Lao Wai Wen Shen

New Blog Home

2010-04-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

I have moved this blog to here. I've just gotten tired of hoping that China would unblock Blogspot, and with my current proxy, I can't upload pictures or anything, so I just decided to relocate. Auf Wiedersehn Blogspot.

China and Death

2010-04-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

This Monday is 清明节, also known as Tomb-Sweeping Day, where Chinese people pay respects to their deceased relatives. It's a somber festival, and devoid of the hoopla and atmosphere that Halloween enjoys. And it's this very different take on a similar theme that points out a key divergence in Eastern/Western thinking.

Death is not fun in China. Death is not cool, death is not entertaining, death is not a sweet release from a wearisome life. Death is the ultimate mortal terror and is in no way preferable or desirable. Chinese accept death as a natural part of life but death is not romanticized or personified by easily-marketable ghoulish cartoon characters.

The West, on the other hand, has long had a morbid fascination with death, and many psychologists would no doubt argue that this is a coping mechanism; i.e., make friends with the object of your terror to convince yourself that it's less terrible. We have the Grim Reaper, a tall thin gentleman dressed in a black suit and top hat, Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas , the Final Destination films, and countless other tangible incarnations of death.

Yet in daily life, Westerners are often far removed from actual contact with death, whereas in China, and most developing countries, death rubs shoulders every day with the people on the street. Now I'm not talking about homicides or anything (this isn't Somalia, after all), but even a stroll through a Chinese open market is a somber reminder that for life to sustain, another life must be snuffed. And I believe that it is because of these continual reminders that Chinese have a very realistic and instinctive aversion to death, whereas Westerners have romanticized death to the point that it's a badge of honor to openly defy death, even to the point of recklessness.

Now I confess that I subscribe to the Western perspective on death, and while I'm not a daredevil, I've had several experiences pursuing the adrenalin rush that had me looking death in the eye, though usually just for a moment. After nearly five years of living in China, I still believe that Chinese people are too safe and their fear of death and injury paralyzes rather than liberates them, but this is just cultural and personal perspectives. The bottom line is that death mortifies all, and anyone who seeks a brush with death for a thrill is a fool, but that doesn't mean we should stay as far away from the edge as possible. But death is not the dread behemoth that has most people cowering in fear of it, and since this weekend is Easter, I think it's an appropriate time to give props to the One who defeated death on its home turf. I can honestly say that because of this truth, I do not fear death. I do not want to die, but the idea of death does not paralyze me, because I know it's not the end. Life wants to remain, and for most people, this life is all they have. But if you believe that there is something beyond this life, then death is just a door to something better. It might be painful, but we've all got to go through sometime, and like most things in life, it's never as terrible as we imagine. I'm actually pretty curious about it :-P.

Springtiiiime for Hitlerrrr and Germannyyyyy!...Actually just springtime for Xiamen

2010-03-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

The proxy server I usually use to access the sites that are apparently subversive to China's national integrity, such as Facebook and Blooger, has been blocked and I just recently found another that opens these sites, albeit in limited capacity, so it's been awhile since my last post. So here's the dilly:

Tina's about 4 months preggers and she's got a bit of a belly going on. She's over the first trimester sick/weak/want-to-die hump, though she still tires easily and is sore pretty much all the time. I've got fingers of steel now from all the massages I give her :-P. So far everything's normal and it looks like the baby will be born just before next semester starts, so hopefully I'll have a little time to be at home with her and the new bundle of joy before I have to return to work. Tina's mother will also be around so that helps greatly.

Other than that, nothing new. I've taken up a new hobby painting harlequin masks in various styles and patterns, and that helps release my creative energy since tattoos will be off the menu for awhile. We've gotten pretty good at saving our money, but we still go out and have fun every once in a while too.

It's a scary thought bringing a child into a world like this. Tina and I were trying to think of anything in the world that is getting better, and we couldn't do it. I guess we just have to have faith that everything happens in its own time, and in the end, everything will work out for the best. So in the meantime, I'll just smell the tea leaves, enjoy the sunshine, and try to think of good baby names.

Being a Manly Man in China

2010-02-24T00:57:00.000-08:00

Getting your hands dirty tinkering under the hood? Highly unlikely. Getting buck wild at a rowdy rock concert? Virtually nonexistent. Watching the big game while wolfing down nachos and beer with your pals? Fuggedaboudit. Getting banged up and bruised playing contact sports or taming the rugged outdoors? Negative. Losing your temper while attempting home repairs/renovations? Sorry Charlie.

Most of the things we equate with manliness in America are largely absent from the Middle Kingdom. In China, if something breaks, call a repairman or buy a new one, because services are speedy and cheap, and most things are replaceable anyway. If you're lucky enough to have a car, it's usually a late model European brand, and those don't break anyway. Abusing your body in the name of sport or athletic challenge is a waste of time and health, and scars are meant to be hidden, not bragged about.

In China, flexing one's manly muscles usually boils down to three things: money, women, and social status. Of course these are essential manliness indicators in every country and culture but here in China, these are usually your best options.

Money: the more you got, the more man you are. If you own a wedding portrait studio, you are perceived as being more manly than someone who repairs cars for a living, because you are the boss, and boss=manly. And of course, with money comes the next two items on the list, so money is the crown of manliness.

Women: like money, the more you got, the more man you are. It is virtually unthinkable for a man of high status and wealth to have only one woman in his life. If you are a manly man, you've got enough dough to spread around on mistresses, KTV girls, and hookers. That's not to say that all Chinese guys indulge these appetites, but it really is an integral part of the culture and most men jump right in if they have the means. Of course, the women are usually not cool with it, but they often tolerate it because their philandering man is their lifeline. As women become more economically independent, this trend will hopefully decline.

Social status: this is where the rubber meets the road. How your friends perceive you is the barometer of your life, so it is essential that they regard you in high esteem. Smoking and excessive drinking are staples of manly behavior, and treating your friends and colleagues to expensive dinners and excursions are necessary to gain their favor.

I don't consider myself to be a real macho guy, but I enjoyed getting down and dirty back in the States. I enjoyed weekend sports games with the guys, camping, hiking, getting my mosh on at local music venues, coaxing every bit of life and power out of my 1982 diesel Volkswagen Rabbit, doing odd jobs around the house, etc. When I came to China, my manly outlets seemed rather limited. Like most foreigners fresh off the boat, I got caught up in the whirlwind of clubbing and chasing girls. After a few years though, the novelty of that wore off, and I turned to more "serious" manly pursuits, like getting married, buying an apartment, and more recently trying to establish myself in a career in teaching.

To be honest, my fascination with tattoos has also been an outlet of testosterone, getting an adrenaline rush from the "delicious pain." All things considered, though, I miss the chest-thumping King-Kong moments that makes a man really feel like a man. But I guess in the end, a true man is someone who cares for his family and takes responsibility for himself and his actions. Anything beyond that is just showing off.

Bruce Lee- now there's a guy who was a manly man, no matter what culture you're from.

Our First Wedding Anniversary and First Ultrasound

2010-02-16T04:19:00.000-08:00

This is the first sneak-peek at the little anklebiter on the way. This is at almost 3 months, so it's too early to tell if it's a boy or a girl. Either one is fine with me, though if it's a girl I'd probably get high blood pressure because we all know how crazy people are for mixed-blood beauties in China :-/. Actually Chinese people are crazy for any babies, especially those who aren't Chinese, so I'll have to brush up on my kung fu defensive tactics to keep away the vultures.

Tina and I celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary on February 12th at Gu Lang Yu Island, which is a quaint historic island a few minutes off the coast of Xiamen island (about a seven minute ferry ride). It was fun taking a one-night vacation and still be able to see our building from across the bay :-). Our New Year's celebration was pretty low-key because Xiamen bans fireworks so the whole town basically becomes a ghost town for the weekend (instead of a war zone, which is the usual transformation most cities undergo during Spring Festival). We also lost precious hours of our life watching the Spring Festival broadcast on CCTV1, which everyone in China agrees was ultra-lame. I don't expect much but at least in the past the shows have been a bit of a spectacle, but this year's production was straight out of local variety show television. It was an epic fail.

I haven't gotten any new tattoo work done in over six months, and I think I'm gonna hang up the needle for awhile, probably until after the baby is born. Between mortgage, American debt (>:-/) and impending baby, I won't have too much spare cash to inject under my skin. But this isn't the end of the tattoo saga my friends, oh no...

I hope the new year finds you happy and healthy. Change is good, sometimes fun, never boring, and should be embraced.

Chinese Tattoos in the NBA - The Good, The Bad, and The Whack

2010-02-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

Since I broke the news about Yao Ming's rock n' roll tattoo a few months back, I've been paying more attention to NBA players' tattoos. Of course it doesn't take too much effort to spot them, since several players feature more ink than a member of the Japanese yakuza. And since the NBA is all about trends, dozens of players feature Chinese character tattoos. And as we shall see, some are good, some are bad, and some are just plain whack.

Allen Iverson - 76ers

Small, reasonably well-done tattoo meaning "loyalty." Nothing special, a very common tattoo in the West.

Jeff McInnis - Bobcats

Two tattoos- right arm is the Chinese translation for "Jeff" and the left arm means "a state of bliss." Bland calligraphy, but otherwise correct.

Marcus Camby - Nuggets

A very large and well-written Chinese phrase meaning "strive for the clan." However, according to Hanzismatter, Camby's "clan" is not real. I think "family" would have been a better choice of words.

Chris Andersen - Hornets

The "Birdman" is famous for his impressive array of tattoos, considering he looks like a stockbroker trying to recapture his punk-rock youth. Buried in the tattoo mess are two Chinese characters on his arms- left arm reads "Good" and right arm says "Bad." However, Andersen's choice for "bad" also means "nausea". I think a simple 好/不好 interplay would have been more appropriate, but maybe not the kind of "bad" Andersen was looking for. Although "nausea" is apparently what he gives many sportswriters who take issue with his abundant ink.

Marquis Daniels - Pacers

Chalk this up to "WTF?" He says it's his initials in Chinese characters, but the more clued-in among us know that there's no such thing as a Chinese alphabet. As far as I can tell, his characters are 康, which means "health," 文 or 女, meaning "knowledge" or "woman," respectively, and the last character isn't even real. It's the cap found on characters such as 宝 or 安, but by itself, it means nothing. Fail.

Shawn Marion - Mavericks

Shawn "The Matrix" Marion thought it would be cool to get his nickname in Chinese on his leg. What he got instead means "Demon Bird Mothballs." *cue spittake*

So what did we learn today kids? When in doubt, ask Yao Ming.

Update for 2010

2010-01-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted here because the VPN I was using go the ax, and now it's working again for some reason. Like the judo penguins in the film Madagascar always say: "Just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave." Don't ask questions, just go with the flow.

Still doin' my thing in Xiamen University, currently enjoying a month-and-a-half long Spring Festival holiday. This stretch of bland weather (and no fireworks in Xiamen- gotta keep this tourist city sparkling! >:-/) is usually when Tina and I pack our bags and head out in search of adventure, but this time the adventure came to us: we're gonna have a baby.

Tina's about two months along now, and she feels tired a lot and pukes occasionally (quick clarification: it's not morning sickness, my buddy and fellow-father-to-be calls it baby sickness, because it happens anytime anywhere, not just the morning). But since I'm on holiday, I'm around to be the house husband. The timing of this thing is actually pretty sweet. I'm able to take care of Tina during the difficult (and vulnerable- fingers crossed!) first trimester, and then when it's time to head back to work, hopefully Tina will be feeling better enough so she won't need me around as much. And then by the time the summer holiday rolls around, she'll be all blimpish- in a cute, adorable way of course- but I won't have anything on my plate so I'll be back on point again. If things go well, we'll have a late August delivery date. I've already got the spot picked out on my arm where I'm going to ink the little anklebiter's name.

Of course I'm nervous, though not about being a father. This is something I've always wanted, and I know it's gonna kick my ass, but truthfully, I'm ready for a new chapter in life. Tina's pretty stoked too, when she's not feeling sick :-). I read all kinds of scary reports about birth defects, miscarriages, and a whole multitude of complications, but I tell myself that it's out of our hands. Whatever God chooses to give us, or not give us, is up to Him. So right now, we're enjoying the ride as much as we can and looking forward to the future. I've always liked change, and right now there's a lot going on with the new house and baby on the horizon. Sometimes I look back at my much simpler, more carefree, party-hearty life but I'm glad to be where I am now. This is the way it's supposed to be.

Temptations

2009-12-09T01:07:00.000-08:00

There's a very visible and popular figure with a gorgeous and exotic wife. However, because of his popularity, he is continually surrounded by and getting attention from beautiful women, and eventually he succumbs to the temptation, indulging his appetite for cheap thrills at relatively low-class establishments such as clubs and bars.

Sounds like Tiger Woods. But it could also be the hotshot foreign manager at the Shanghai office. Or the energetic foreign teacher at the university. Or the highly-regarded consultant who is brought to China several times a year for his expert opinions.

The fact is, if you're tired of eating at home and want to try a different dish, China is certainly an easy place to do it. You don't have to be a rich superstar- with the exception of first-tier cities where foreigners are old news, just being from a different country is enough to make many girls' eyes sparkle. Throw in the fact that Chinese girls are so gosh-darn beautiful and alluring, and you've got a recipe for easy creepin'.

Inside of every man is a dog, a dog with three things on his mind (and pardon the French that follows for the sake of alliteration): fighting, fucking, and feeding. These are primal masculine urges and they're very strong. But we're not dogs, we're men. The dog is a part of us, but there's something more inside that should overwhelm the dog. That's the gentleman, the lover, the father, the one who cares about others' feelings and realizes that short-term selfish satisfaction is callous and unrewarding.

I see so many wonderful girls in China who are treated so carelessly by their husbands/boyfriends. Now I know there are plenty of skanks and bitches in China, but I am continually amazed by Chinese woman's patience and devotion to their men, even if there is little reciprocation. A good woman should be treasured, and that means saying no to all the cheesecake walking around, even if that cheesecake practically throws itself at you. When I discuss relationships with my students, invariably the girls say that the trait they value most in a partner is honesty. A good woman shouldn't be dogged; her devotion should be returned. My wife is a masterpiece and everything that I want in a woman, and even though sometimes the dog inside snarls and barks, I'm not letting him off the leash.

It Will All End One Day

2009-11-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a huge fan of apocalypse movies and Tina and I were like giddy schoolchildren as we scurried over to the local cinema for Roland Emmerich's 2012. In all honesty though, it wasn't as much fun as I had hoped, though it was a dazzling eye-candy-fest of devastation.

With all the doomsday fears swirling around from crackpots and legitimate sources alike, I've been doing a lot more thinking about the "end of the world." And you know what, it's really not that bad. Now before you think I'm a lunatic, gimme a minute to explain.

Everything is going to end one day. That's the truth. Whether it's simply our death or the actual end of the world, life as you and I know it is finite. But that is actually a tremendous relief. Think about it: no matter what happens in life, it will all end someday.

Is your life grand and fabulous? Well savor and enjoy it, because it will all end one day. Is your life a crap stew? Well no one can promise that it will get better, but at least it will all end one day. Are you nervous about your career trajectory and stalling on important decisions? Well get on the ball, because it will all end one day. Anything unrelenting is torture, even life. But don't sweat it. It will all end one day.

Chinese Homemade Tattoos

2009-11-01T05:05:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has been in China has certainly seen them, but perhaps hasn't noticed them unless they're really big or hideous. Since becoming an ink-ophile, my tattoo radar has gotten really sharp and I see them all over the place, particularly on middle-aged guys' forearms. I don't want to generalize but the majority of dudes sporting this particular style of ink seem a bit blue-collar, though I have seen all types flossing their style, from dads to taxi drivers to hairstylists to street vendors.

The thing that strikes me about this unusual phenomenon is the prevalence of homemade tattoos. I imagine that most of these guys and girls got their tattoos during their wild tempestuous youth, flying high on a cloud of rebellion (not-so-subtle sarcasm alert). More than likely it was out of boredom, and a buddy had a needle, a pen, and a cigarette lighter and mumbled, "I'll get one if you get one first." Viola, a memento of one's impulsive childhood.

Another thing is the choice of subject matter. I see quite a few hand-poked dragons and flowers, but I've also come across a lot of Chinese characters, probably the bearer's name or zodiac sign, and today I saw a man with a small foot on his left arm. Say wha?

Guy Pearce in Memento, an excellent do-it-yourself tattoo tutorial.

Very Rock n' Roll Wedding Photos

2009-10-23T01:07:00.000-07:00

After eight months of marriage and two wedding parties, Tina and I finally got around to making formal wedding photos :-). We enlisted the service of a photographer buddy and skipped across the bay to Gu Lang Yu Island, a picturesque garden island just off the coast. However, Tina and I are not really into traditions and we wanted to make our wedding photos unique, not the pleasantly bland flowers-and-satin variety you usually find adorning Chinese living rooms. We took some garden shots but the best ones came in a half-constructed villa. We took hundreds of photos, but here is just a small sample. We think the last two photos on this post are the money shots.

Summer's Last Hurrah

2009-10-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

For the combined National Day/Mid-Autumn Day holiday, my university gave me 9 days off so Tina, Morty and I dashed over to a nearby island called Dong Shan, about a three hour bus ride from Xiamen. Now living in Xiamen, the ocean is an everyday occurrence and Xiamen is one of the top tourist cities in China so it's very clean and beautiful compared to most other Chinese cities of similar size, so just visiting the ocean isn't enough to get us excited, but the seaside we saw at Dong Shan was absolutely breathtaking. It was Tina's first time seeing waves this big, and it was also her first experience camping. I got a bit of sunburn but it was all worth it. Peep the pics.

A Romantic Tattoo Date

2009-09-17T08:17:00.001-07:00

Last week I went to get some new ink. It's hard to make an official tally since my entire right arm is pretty much covered but by my estimation, this is my 20th distinct tattoo. It's the word "fear" in prickly, unfriendly characters. I chose this word for a number of reasons: Proverbs 1:7 reads "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." That's the good fear. The bad fear is the fear that paralyzes the world every day, especially China. Chinese society is mortified by the fear of death, of sickness, of poverty, of loneliness, in a way that starves passion, joy, and creativity and has left an entire population largely soulless and vacant. Now I'm not saying that Western society is any better but I do believe that China's fear is beyond natural preservation instinct and is a serious infection that leaves most people weakened and aimless. I also chose the word fear because I have fears as well, and just as this tattoo is something that will remain with me for the rest of my life, so will my fears, and I'm just going to have to make peace and live with them. I am somewhat cautious but I can also be reckless as well, and sometimes this is to compensate for my tendency to over-examine every possible outcome of a situation. I went skydiving once while I was in college, and since then I've realized that sometimes you just gotta jump, just roll with it, and usually whatever worries us is not as bad as we think it will be, and can actually be fun sometimes. The slogan "No Fear" is bull crap; the reality is "Recognize and Overpower Your Fear." This tattoo will remind me to do that.

Tina came to the tattoo shop to cheer me on, and she brought our new chihuahua Morty. She had been thinking about getting another tattoo for a while (she has a copy of the scorpion on my arm on her ass just below her bikini line but it's so small, it hardly counts as a tattoo) and after I was done, she announced that she wanted to gets hers done that day too. I was a bit surprised but after confirming that this was really what she wanted, I supported her and helped her choose a design.

We had been talking about a phoenix for her shoulder for a while now. She has a small scar on her shoulder bone that she's been wanting to cover up, and we decided on a colorful yet simply flash that would hide the scar and drape gracefully down over her shoulder blade.

The stencil was applied, and it was go time. Her first tattoo experience had not been pleasant, and this was a decent-sized endeavor, and she definitely let everyone in the shop know how uncomfortable she felt. There were a few tears involved, but I'm proud of her for sticking it out and getting it done in one sitting. I've been tattooed everywhere on my torso except my chest and ribs, and I'll say that the shoulder bone is the most painful place so far, so she deserves some props. And as you can see, the results are great.

She was mad hot before but this takes sexy to a whole new level :-). She's totally in love with it too, and today she was talking about some flowers she'd like to add to it :-P. I tell ya man, it gets under your skin. Sometimes I regret having so much ink scattered all over me like a shotgun blast, especially when I see the prevalence of tattooed thugs on music videos and films, but I've made my choice and I'm gonna represent for the good guys. Even though it was a painful day for both of us, it was a memory that we will have no trouble recollecting.

Heavy Metal on Chinese TV

2009-09-02T10:00:00.001-07:00

I was channel surfing today when I came across a Chinese music station. I live in Xiamen so we don't have the plethora of programming that Shanghai or Guangzhou enjoys, and this station was not a local broadcast, but it's content was surprising nonetheless. I almost choked on my beer as I watched a music video by Swedish heavy metal heavyweights Soilwork. And immediately following was a video from Leave's Eyes, another currently hot European metal export. Western music videos are by no means uncommon on Chinese TV but watching back to back videos from bands that fall into "melodic death metal" and "gothic metal" categories, as opposed to Backstreets Boys or Michael Jackson, was quite a treat.

It got me wistfully wishing for a surging interest in Western heavy metal bands, which would make yours truly quite the happy camper. My personal tastes lean more towards the death metal/hardcore/scorched earth styles of metal and I know that China is too upbeat for those styles to take root, but bands like Soilwork and Leave's Eyes, while maintaining respectable levels of brutality, are more melodic and uplifting in their sound and message so as not to alienate mainstream audiences. After all, Japan is metal-crazy, though their particular flavors lack the venom and hatred that characterizes most Western metal acts, and I find this preferable actually. Japan's intense social pressures makes heavy metal the perfect antidote to go ape-nuts and release the pressure of the daily grind, which is much healthier than snarling about disemboweling clergy members and other such topical gems you find in Western heavy metal albums. China lacks the disenfranchised youth of the West and while social pressures are certainly substantial, I feel that China's entertainment constitution is too weak (i.e., meek) to stomach thundering riffs and wild-haired metal war gods bellowing anthems of the apocalypse.

Yet there is still hope. The youth are becoming more exposed to greater varieties of Western music and the same prejudices about metal that exist in the West are absent here in China. I remember seeing one Chinese program about Chinese pop music that featured intro graphics accompanied by a Rammstein ditty. And there is also a growing fascination with the "bad boy" image and mystique while is brazen exemplified in heavy metal music.

I'm not expecting China to embrace heavy metal as the West has- in fact, I would be even more pleased if Chinese metal acts gained at least some airplay and popularity. I know that most large cities in China are host to an abundance of local metal acts (of which I have never had the chance to witness...it's been more than four years since my last metal concert...*sniff*) but these bands are severely underground. I know that S.H.E. and Elva won't get knocked off the top of the charts any time soon but a mouthful of metal helps to offset the continuous taste of bubble gum pop we're all forced in ingest here.

One interesting note: with the recent trend in tongue-in-cheek gothic/punk fashion sweeping the stores comes a tidal wave of heavy metal T-shirts. At my university, I often see Sepultura, Iron Maiden, Slipknot and others proudly brandished, though the wearer has no idea who his attire represents. And curiously is the proliferation of the Affliction logo. Affliction is an old school death metal band with a far smaller following than the other bands I just mentioned but for some reason, I see their name almost daily, on T-shirts, bags, even halter tops. Go figure.

Getting Harder These Days to Hold My Head High as an American....

2009-08-19T08:11:00.001-07:00

Pound for pound, I think America is the best place in the world to live. And while I have found a more personally satisfying life overseas in China, I still believe that American ideals and practicality afford the best opportunities for success and fulfillment when properly understood and applied. My decision to live outside of American has nothing to do with American philosophies of government, laws, and citizen responsibility.

I am very proud of America's abundant freedoms, particularly the freedom of speech. Yet I am increasingly embarrassed by my arrogant and often ignorant countrymen and women who brandish this freedom as an excuse and in fact a reason to carry out actions that are in essence utterly selfish. Being in a country such as China has made me more aware of the importance of social responsibility and courtesy, which it seems that Americans are too quick to ignore. Yes the Constitution guarantees virtually unlimited freedom in a lawful context but this does not give the freedom-bearer license to exercise these freedoms in aggressive ways intending to intimidate and antagonize others in the society. I find a massive body of Americans are looking for every opportunity to get in someone's face and bellow "I'm free, dammit, I can do whatever I want! Whatcha gonna do bitch? Just try, JUST TRY to take my freedoms away, see what happens!" What purpose does this flagrance serve?

Many Americans cling to their freedoms and the right to defend them as a statement of machismo in a country where "true" machismo is suppressed by law, i.e., men being the sole owners of their property and not having to pay taxes on it to the government, duels, wars fought on home soil, etc. How are you going to prove you are a man? Why, carry guns to town hall meetings. Or come armed with incendiary placards and bumper sticker slogans and hurl them red-faced at the local congressman whom you have no intention of listening to, no matter what he says. Arrogant, selfish Americans applaud their friends and neighbors who go to town hall meetings with the intention to disrupt rather than converse. "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Yeah well that's nice, so where does that get us? Do blind statements of outrage help the situation at all? The Boston Tea Party was a one-night-only show, and this is hardly equivalent to King George's taxation sledgehammer. New predicaments call for new tactics. This juvenile one-upmanship of who can have the rowdiest town hall meeting is patently useless as far as pushing the people's agenda into the spotlight.

It's fine to be angry- anger is a powerful motivator. But the opposition to America's government has become a barrel full of monkeys. Damn fools exercising their inalienable rights in a way that helps no one but makes them feel better as they thump their chest and demand to be heard. Have something to say first, prissy self-indulgent bitch. High decibel vocal cords and your cherry-red mug don't do anyone any good.

In Defense of The Old Foreign Dudes with the Hot Young Asian Girls - Cut 'Em Some Slack...

2009-08-04T09:46:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: just for the record, I am not an old white guy with a hot young Chinese girl on my arm. I am, however, a young white guy with a hot young Chinese wife on my arm, but I am certainly not rich and we are making our home in China, so she is not a golddigger or after my passport. She loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is. And in fact, she's one a half years older than I am (though she still has the body of a teenager- cha-ching). I just want to take a moment to offer my perspective on a tired but never-ending topic. I hope I don't offend or come across as culturally insensitive. If you really have an issue with what I say, please leave me a comment and I'd be happy to clarify and/or correct my opinion.

Go to any Asian metropolis and you'll see them: middle-aged or decidedly old foreign guys, usually white, not particularly attractive, and actually often the opposite, looking very proud of himself as he walks arm in arm with a beautiful perky twenty-something Asian girl wearing the latest fashions and looking proud of herself as well. These couples receive a fair share of condescending glances from foreigners and locals alike, and can usually be translated as follows:

Younger Foreign Guys: she's too hot for him, she should be with someone closer to her own age, like me.
Older Foreign Guys: Damn, I'm gonna have to get me one of those or Damn, she's prettier than mine. Lucky bastard.
Younger Foreign Women: Ew, gross.
Older Foreign Women: Enjoy your sugar daddy while you've got him sweetie, cause as soon as you get your first wrinkle, he'll move on and leave you high and dry.
Local Men: 1. If she's pretty but not drop-dead gorgeous: She's not beautiful, why do the foreigners always choose the ugly girls? 2. If she is drop-dead gorgeous: She's just a KTV girl.
Local Women: This girl has no shame.

It's easy to hate on the old white guy/young Asian girl couple. He's a pedophilic refugee from his home country who came to China for the easy buck and easy bang, and he seduces a naive kitten with promises of travel and luxurious hotels and restaurants just to get her into bed to satisfy his cravings for young flesh. She's either an empty-headed girl with ridiculous fantasies about getting swept off her feet by Prince Charming and she throws herself into the arms and bed of anyone who can sweet-talk her into believing that the exotic notions she's concocted about the West are actually true or she's a desperate shameless girl who will do anyting for the promise of designer bags and a chance to live abroad. While these notions are sometimes (maybe often) true, I think these couples get an unfair beating in society's gossip circles.

In browsing expat discussions forums, this topic frequently rears its flame-throwing head and the responses are usually very similar. The older dudes get bashed for being losers who were unable to find true love back home so they come to Asia to plow more fertile and willing soil. But I think that's an unfair accusation. Okay, say Joe Schmoe has been unlucky in love back home. He comes to Asia and finds that girls half his age are willing to be his romantic partner in exchange for security and the promise of a better life, which he is easily able to provide. Why shouldn't he accept? She is able to give him what he is looking for: affection, companionship, energetic sex, a helper in and out of the house. Is he wrong for wanting these things? These are instinctive male desires, so why should he abstain just to maintain a more moral (i.e., does not alienate his Western counterparts) social position? If someone moves to Farmland USA and builds a beautiful mansion because the land is cheaper, do we scorn him for not striving for the unaffordable penthouse in Manhattan? Maybe some guys can't get a quality girl back home, but I think every man who is willing to wholeheartedly love someone deserves a woman who loves him back, regardless of nationality or ethnicity. And if it's easier for him to find such a girl in Asia, then so be it.

But now many people will counter: they don't really love each other. He just wants a girl to make him feel young again, she wants someone to take care of her. Okay, maybe that's not love. But not everyone has the same needs in life. Of course everyone is looking for their soulmate, but he or she doesn't have to come from the same culture in order for their souls to connect in an emotional and spiritual plane. I can testify that there is a different bond between two intercultual lovers but it can still be just as strong as one between people from the same culture. And generally, Chinese girls have the mindset that they love someone who is faithful, honest, and a good provider for them. This is why they are so attached to their parents. Is this love? Of course. Maybe not in the traditional Western perspective but there is still a powerful attraction that can go much deeper than just satisfaction of basic biological and psychological needs. Some couples don't bother with the deeper layers, because they get what they want from the other person and that's that. But there are many couples who truly have a love connection, one that perhaps people who aren't in intercultural relationships can't quite understand, but I assure you it's genuine.

So that's my long-winded two cents. Yeah I still get a creepy vibe when I see Little Miss Doe Eyes hand in hand with Mr. Magoo, but it's not our place to be hostile or crass. Could she do better? Of course. Is he just a horny bastard with lots of money? Perhaps. But he's not a child molester and she's not a sex crime victim. They both know what they're doing, and they both have their reasons. I just know one thing: nobody likes being alone.

A Homestyle Wedding Party and The Death and Rebirth of the Sun

2009-07-29T10:12:00.001-07:00

A couple weeks ago, my wife and I took a day-long train ride to her hometown in Hubei province to have a wedding party for her family. We had already had a wedding dinner at our home in Xiamen in February but that was for our friends that live here. Her parents had gone back to their hometown after living in Xiamen for many years, so we followed them back a couple of months later so that we could have a traditional wedding celebration there.

Tina's hometown is a small town out in the countryside, a clone of the countless small towns you pass by on those long boring train rides and never give a second thought about. It was freakishly hot, so we were too tired to do anything but eat, sleep, and hang out with visitors. One positive note is that extreme heat usually results in people spending a lot of time in bed together with little or no clothing, which is always fun :-). All in all, it was a pretty boring week, but it was nice to see a new part of China and Tina's family, and also to take a break from summer teaching.

The wedding party was pretty low-key, just a lunchtime gathering of about 80 people, mostly family and close friends. I was wearing the red and black silk suit that I wore for the first party, and Tina was looking angelic in a Western-style white wedding gown. The beer flowed like wine, people were happy, hongbao was flung hither and yon, and later everyone crashed or played mah jong. It was a fun experience but I'm definitely wedding-ed out. Two is enough :-P.

On the way back, we got to watch the solar eclipse through our train window. There was only a thin veil of cloud cover so the sun was clear enough to view. We bought a piece of tinted glass so we spared our retinas from the glare. I'd seen a total lunar eclipse back in America but I'd never seen a solar eclipse. It was wild watching a black disc slowly eat the sun. The best part was when there was just a shy sliver of light left, like a glowing eyelash. Then- it was gone, and nighttime fell in a few seconds. There was definitely a surreal vibe, kind of an ominous blackness like the anticipation before a catastrophic storm. It lasted for a couple of minutes, then the sun made its encore appearance and life returned to normal. It was a great way to end a unique week.

China Tattoo Advice Part 2: Choosing a Tattoo ARTIST

2009-07-08T09:34:00.000-07:00

The word "tattoo artist" generally applies to anyone who creates tattoos. And if you're familiar with the tattoo process, the tattoo artist doesn't actually draw the tattoo by hand (unless he's got mad skillz); he or she will use a stencil (a pre-drawn pattern) and will apply the pattern to your skin using some transferring liquid. The process is exactly the same as those temporary tattoos that kids like to wear, except in the case of an actual tattoo, the stencil is only a line drawing without any color. This makes the tattoo artist more of a "tracer" and "colorer" than an actual artist, but there is a tremendous amount of artistic skill that is necessary to pull off a good tattoo.

The technique of tattooing is very different than drawing on paper with a pen. The machine is bulky and vibrating, and skin is not totally smooth and flat. So the technical skill of a tattoo artist must be above and beyond a skilled drawer. But where the artistic element comes is is in the improvisation. As I said before, a tattoo design is pre-applied to the skin in a stencil, but this is only a rough idea. Stencils are sometimes crooked or jagged where they should be smooth and straight, and a good tattoo artist will be able the visualize the tattoo outside of the stencil and work towards the finished product, rather than follow the details of the stencil.

As you can probably guess, this is where the difficulty comes in with finding a good tattoo artist in China. There are many tattoo artists with decent technical skills but who lack creative vision. In China, tehcnical ability is equivalent to capability; i.e., if you can execute all of the steps in a waltz correctly, you must be a good dancer. This is only half-true; Chinese culture by and large does not take into account the soul of the person performing the action if that action is not inherent to Chinese culture (Chinese calligraphy is a notable exception to this); that is to say, whether or not the person executing the dance steps with robotic precision actually feels the dance in their spirit, and more often than not, the answer is no. The same goes for tattooing. Yes, maybe the tattoo artist can stay in the lines and color-by-numbers, but there are numerous instances during a tattoo that require the artist to improvise, and the only source for this improvisation comes from the art that lives inside him, and unfortunately I've come across many tattoo artists that are good at the tattoo part but the artist is AWOL. If the stencil becomes smudged or he needs to add a little bit of flair that isn't in the original design but will certainly enhance the tattoo, many tattoo artists will find themselves floundering. I've brought crude drawings to tattoo parlors of designs that would be too big to draw on paper with the expectation that the tattoo artist could envision the design like I did and simply draw the pattern into my skin, but many times I've been met with nervous downcast eyes. My initial thought is "Are you serious? You really can't see what I'm imagining here?" But then I remember where I am and what the cultural emphasis is on. Chinese mindset: if you provide a workable pattern, I will happily fit my work into it, but if you ask me to improvise, I can't promise anything.

Of course, it's a great relief to find someone who is artistic as well as technical. China abounds with excellent artists, however most of them are holed up in smoky studios with oil and brushes. But when one ventures into the world of tattoos, it's a golden combination. It merges Chinese dedication to perfect replication as well as the creative soul that adds flourish and character to the final result. So the moral of the story is: find a tattoo artist that is an artist foremost. If he has his original artwork hanging on the walls of his parlor, that's a good sign. If he gives you a quizzical look when you ask him if he could add a little bit here or there when there is no pre-drawn stencil, that's bad. Just make sure that your artist knows how to color outside the lines (though only in a metaphorical sense).

A Few Thoughts Concerning Michael Bay

2009-07-03T01:57:00.001-07:00

With mega-robot destruction sweeping the world cinemas and the countless critics tooting horns of lofty opinions, I'd like to share my take on the second-most prominent celebrity named Michael currently carpet-bombing the news.

In every sense of the word, Michael Bay is the People's Director. He knows what the average moviegoer wants (bouncing boobs, bombs, bright lights, fast cars, thundering soundtrack). My grandfather once referred to Bay and his posse as "a wrecking crew." That's what Michael Bay does- he wrecks things in ever-so-beautiful and poetic hues of glorious devastation, because this is what people generally want when they go to the movies. Movies are the world's waking dreams, and we want to watch on screen what we generally can't have in real life.

Now it's easy to just blow things up and have busty babes running around in slow motion, but I will contend that Michael Bay delivers such normally low-class entertainment elements with flair and bravado that no other Hollywood director can match. Bay's films are masterpieces of color and light. Many directors have their own particular tones and hues that they favor, and Bay opts to go with the disco club palette. If it's dark, it's really dark, but if it's light, it's really bright, but never glaring. Every camera angle is dramatic, every frame is excellently composed. I wouldn't call his action sequences gritty but they don't seem like watery CGI cotton candy either (see X-Men Origins: Wolverine). I guess the best word would be "visceral." It's as close to 3-D as you can get without being 3-D.

Of course it's well known that Bay favors effects over story and characterization, but most of the time (though not always), his story and characters are enjoyable, if implausible. Bay's dialogue is always peppered with up-to-date slang and contemporary humor (though the racist depiction of black people in Revenge of the Fallen's Twins was a bit heavy-handed). His films have an MTV hipness infused in them that irks critics but resonates with young people and with which I identify. But he never feels like he's reaching either. The jabs and jokes flow like wine but never feel like they're forcing the social relevance with pop-culture references, as many children's cartoons do.

Perhaps what I admire most about Bay's style is the tightness of his ship. Every detail is meticulous but never pretentious. The editing, the sound effects, the sets, everything is well-executed and solid without being overly flashy. Bay knows he's delivering a fluffy cream pie rather than a hearty meal, but damn if he doesn't make that cream pie as beautiful and sugary as possible. He makes the best-tasting cinematic junk food out there and if I'm not mistaken, he's the most profitable director active today in proportion to the number of movies that he's made.

Michael Bay is McDonald's. I've been going to McDonald's since I was a wee tot, and while I only go every so often, when I do, it's a treat, and I enjoy a cheeseburger now just as much as I did when I was five years old. The critics can say what they want, but when you have a winning recipe, it doesn't matter whether it's healthy or not.

Save a Balloon, Pop a Collar

2009-06-15T21:05:00.001-07:00

A terrifying trend has swept through China’s youth. It began several years ago but it is now gaining popularity with frightening speed:

Please, please China, cool it with the collar-popping. It wasn’t cool in the West, and it’s not cool here. I know you’re trying to look like all those superstars and make the girls’ eyes sparkle, but trust me, the girls don’t dig it. The tool-ishness of China’s male youth is reaching epidemic proportions, and the hordes of flash-in-the-pan pop-and-locking pre-pubescent Usher-wannabe divas prancing around on TV every night are the problem. So I beg you, China, please, save the children. Poppeth not thine collar, for a douchebag it thou dost make.

Please refer to this informative excerpt from Urban Dictionary:

Popped Collar:

The style a Douche wears his collar, nonetheless it is a douche who may be attracted to other men and most certainly has a small penis.
Ex.:
Guy 1: That kid is wearing a polo with a popped collar.
Guy 2: DOUCHE!

China Tattoo Advice Part 1: All About the Ink

2009-06-08T00:32:00.000-07:00

In the four years that I’ve been in China, I’ve spent more than 80 hours under the tattoo needle. I’ve been inked by more than a dozen artists in 10 tattoo shops in three different cities and spent about 10000 RMB. And this isn’t counting my earlier tattoo experiences back in the US. So with all this time and money and pain spent on skin decorations, one would expect my epidermis to be a veritable gallery of intricate masterworks.

Hardly the case.

My ink designs are already simple by choice, but my skin is a testament to the varying levels of quality and skill among tattoo artists, their techniques, and the ink that they use. None of my tattoos look terrible but some look great while others definitely need some retouching and even repairs. Even a simple tattoo can turn out crappy because of poor placement, low-grade ink, slight trembles in the artist’s hands, etc. Now I’ve always wanted my own personal ink array to lean more towards the prison yard aesthetic school (i.e., a lot of relatively simple and uncolored tattoos) rather than sport a few pristine masterpieces. I dunno, I just like the gritty, slap-dash, sailor-esque tattoos that display competence and skill but looked like they were actually gauged into the skin with a needle rather than painted on with delicate brushes. And since I sought out this tattoo style, I figured it wouldn’t make too much of a difference if I chose a less pricey (hence less skilled) tattoo artist.

Well, yes and no.

Besides one red drop of blood, all of my tattoos are black ink, and sometimes within a few months, several tattoos of mine have faded in certain areas, creating an uneven palette of light and dark patches on the same tattoo. I am very meticulous about tattoo aftercare so the primary blame rests with the ink used. Simple fact is that better ink costs more. If you pay a cheap price for a tattoo, you’ll get cheap ink. The good news is that retouching the tattoo isn’t too time-consuming since most of the color is already applied- the artists just needs to go over your skin once more and it will probably stay sufficiently dark, even if the cheap ink is used a second time.

Of course it’s always best to do things right the first time, so ask your tattoo artist if he has different grades of ink and use the higher grade, especially if your tattoo is composed of a lot of dark colors. Splotchiness on solid masses of color just doesn’t look good. And if you find that your tattoo retains its color long after it’s healed, give your repeat business to that artist, unless his technique sucks of course. The truth is that all tattoos fade eventually and usually have to get retouched at some point, but it’s nice having a tattoo that will hold together for years instead of months before the obligatory tune-up.

Yao Ming Gets Ozzy Tattoo

2009-05-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

It started with Dennis Rodman.

It gained popularity with Allen Iverson.

Now it seems that tattoos in the NBA have become the standard rather than the exception. Some teams, such as Cleveland Cavaliers or Denver Nuggets, are so heavily inked that sometimes the games can look more like pick-up skirmishes in the prison yard rather than megastars dueling it out on primetime TV. I’m all for public exposure and acceptance of tattoos, but the gangsta-inclined tattoo trend in the NBA has reached almost ludicrous proportions. It seems that the only demographic maintaining virgin skin are foreign-born ballers, most of whom are from Eastern European countries, as well as a few highly visible Chinese athletes. Well, the needle-thin curtain has come down.

Yao Ming has gotten a tattoo.

He addressed the topic of his indelible artwork the other night on ESPN: “I know that tattoos have long been a controversial subject in most of the world and especially in my native China, but my decision to receive a tattoo was purely a personal one and not as a result of the desire to rebel against my culture.”

Perhaps even more surprising than Yao’s decision to get inked is his choice of subject matter: a scowling portrait of Ozzy Osbourne. Yao confessed to being a long-time Black Sabbath fan and admitted that the famed Sabbath doom-and-gloom rocker “Iron Man” gets him “pumped up in the locker room before each game.” Ozzy was the “natural choice” since he has “inspired [Yao] to be the best I can be ever since I got my first [Sabbath] CD from a small CD shop in Shanghai fifteen years ago.”

Yao’s tattoo was inscribed during the last week of the NBA regular season during a foray down Sunset Strip during an off-day before meeting the Lakers the following evening. He confessed his decision to get that tattoo was “maybe a little” inspired by a dare from fellow teammate Tracy McGrady, who reportedly called Yao a “chicken” for having no tattoos, presumably an assumption about Yao’s tolerance for pain. To silence McGrady’s jests, Yao marched into the Pirate Whore Tattoo Parlor and was promptly inked with the dove-decapitating frontman’s likeness.

Asked for comment, Milwaukee Bucks forward and fellow Chinese compatriot Yi Jian Lian offered Yao his “congratulations on providing yet another example of China conforming to Western aesthetic standards.”

-The Associated Prezz

Where are China's Criminal Gangs?

2009-05-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

One of my hobbies is researching gangs, usually prison and street gangs. I don't know, maybe it's because of our mutual love of tattoos :-P. But gangs really are a fascinating and horrifying subject, one that is increasing in visibility and veracity every day. Numerous Western documentaries illuminate the international gang culture (Ross Kemp on Gangs, History Channel's Gangland, etc.) but I am always struck by the conspicuous absence of Chinese criminal gangs. And the reason is that China's mainland has a relatively low gang problem and what gangs that do exist hardly make for riveting television.

In theory, China should be swarming with organized and unorganized crime. There is a massive population of young and middle-aged men with little or no education and skills with little prospects for marriage and a prosperous future. Every Western country with similar social demographics has a huge gang problem, and modernized countries like Japan and regions such as Hong Kong have a long embedded history of gang traditions.

But mainland China does not. Of course, there are hordes of surly-faced youth prowling the streets looking for trouble, but this hardly qualifies as a "gang" threat and is usually just a collection of rebellious punks with nothing to do. You don't have cliques lethally guarding their territory, tagging empty walls with gang signs, tattooing themselves with their local area codes, and slinging rock on the street corners. In China, most gangs are underground and rarely visible, and are usually involved such un-glamorous black market affairs such as smuggling, kidnapping, and extortion. No drive-bys, no shootouts with the cops, no prison feuds and other such activities usually associated with gang life.

Of course, most people's perceptions of gang culture have been magnified and glorified by music and the media. Although I spent my childhood in inner city New York, it was a far cry from Compton or El Salvador. And that's not to say that there aren't Chinese gangs outside of China. Every major American city has well-established and vicious Chinese street gangs. They simply lack a significant counterpart in their home country.

Why? There are numerous reasons, and I can only speculate, but I believe there are two substantial factors keeping gang culture from thriving in China. The first is a hesitancy to embrace the life of an outcast, which is what being a gangster means. You're accepted into the brotherhood of your gang but you are scorned by the rest of society, and for a Chinese person, this is a paralyzing thought, even when promised safety and security by a gang. The second factor is the lack of disenfranchised men in urban areas. Sure, there are millions of migrant workers, but they don't stay in the city and roam the streets at night. They do the work, then they go back to their homes in the countryside. It is usually the girls who permanently leave the countryside and relocate to the cities but for the men, it's much harder to survive in the city without an education or specialized skills. And because China is such a large country with massive rural areas, it is hard to centralize enough of such men to create the friction and frustration that spawns gang cultures. And then there's the Chinese mindset of communal property. In the West, we are very keen on personal ownership of territory, even if its just our block. But in China, people don't have this same sense of ownership of a place where they have invested their lives. They have their homes, but it's not their "territory." Most Chinese just want to live in peace, and they do. The territorial Western mentality is just fuel for the gang fire waiting to ignite.

So that's my analysis. I could be totally wrong but I think that China won't have a serious gang problem for a long time, if ever. And this is one reason why I say that China is one of the safest countries on earth.

A Most Excellent Philippines Honeymoon Adventure

2009-05-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

My university is a private university and so they don't always follow the same rules as the public system. One instance of this is a full-week May holiday instead of skimpy three-day weekends spread out over the spring (jealous much?). So what is a sun-loving laowai to do besides whisk his beaming new bride to a land of volcanoes, beaches, and traffic?

My aunt and uncle live in the Philippines, as do some of my parents' close friends, so we got the mad hook-up (places to crash, glorious food, private drivers). We were there for a total of six days, and it was jam packed. We took a carriage ride around Manila's old Spanish quarter, rode horses up an active volcano, slept in a cozy cottage overlooking the sea, and went scuba diving. The diving was righteous and I think I've got the fever.

The only bummer was the lack of sunshine. It was unusually overcast almost the entire week and rained often. But this wasn't too bad because it kept the bugs and the crowds away, and was actually very refreshing. But we had no major glitches, didn't get ripped-off or robbed or lost, and only had slight allergies when we first arrived. It was Tina's first trip out of China and I'm glad she had such a blast. And it was uber-cheap to fly and shop there, even by Chinese standards. Tina had quite the blowout at SM Mall, the capitalistic Parthenon of the Philippines.

A few observations about the Philippines: it was very different from what I was expecting. I've been to China's Hainan island and I guess I was expecting something similar, but the Philippines was far more Western than I imagined. In fact, it was too Western. I grew up in what most would call the ghetto in New York City and parts of Manila felt just like the delapidated parts of Queens. The graffiti, blaring party music, and gangster-clad youngsters running around made me wonder if I was even in Asia. It looked, sounded, and smelled like the Latino quarter of any major American city. I love Latin culture though and I enjoyed the ostentacious colors and decorations and the laid-back party vibe of the whole country.

The people looked very Hispanic as well, especially the women. I've known many Filipinas and having heard the legends, I was expecting to be surrounded by throngs of gorgeous senoritas but honestly, I was unimpressed. Having been in China for four years (and married to a lovely example :-), my standards for beauty have been raised quite high and I saw only a handful of Filipinas that I would consider beautiful, and if they were on the streets here in China, they would barely get a passing glance. I can't speak to their characters or personalities, but as far as appearance goes, Chinese girls outdo them in figure, poise, grace, make-up, and fashion no question. I was quite proud of all the envious stares directed my way as we made our way through the shops and beaches :-).

Compared to the Philippines, China is cleaner, more organized, and a bit bland, but I find it more fascinating and exotic because of its cultural distance from the West. The Philippines felt too familiar and this diminished its enchantment, but not its fun factor. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Putting Down Roots

2009-04-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

Tina and I bought a home last week. It's actually a half-finished concrete shell in a half-finished high-rise, but it's got a view of the sea, it's a little bit outside of Xiamen proper so the air is cleaner, and best of all, it was less than half of the price for homes inside Xiamen island. We've put down our 20% down payment and we're going to be on a 10 year mortgage plan, and with my new resolution to start paying off my student loan debt, this means that I'll have to cool it on the tattoos for awhile :-).

Tina was relieved and excited that we actually purchased a home, although it will probably be another year before we can move into it. Her family was pleased too, because it is a demonstration of my commitment to her and our marriage (I guess a diamond ring isn't enough for some folks :-P). Most of the down payment money was hers though, so my display of commitment wasn't so much a monetary gesture as it was a symbolic contract to make a home and build a life with their daughter. And since I'm the breadwinner of the family, my monetary gesture of commitment will be to feed the forthcoming mortgage monster :-). And honestly, I'm pumped. I've always had an enthusiasm for interior design (go ahead, laugh sucka) and having a place that we can shape together however we want is exciting.

But of course the biggest consequence of this purchase is a decision to put my roots down in China. Most people assume that a foreigner doing his thing in China will eventually go back to his hometown, and if he happens to get married in China, he will inevitably whisk his beaming bride to the Land of Opportunity. This was never my intention, and I'm glad that I have an anchor here (besides Tina). Of course, making a home in China can have its challenges. For example, the banks were hesitant to give Tina and I a loan because she's married to a foreigner, and the banks assume (with some justification) that Chinese people who marry foreigners are likely to leave China for their spouse's country and leave the bank holding the bag on the loan. And there is also distance from one's family. My father has been battling terminal cancer for the last 5 years, and although his spirits are high and his faith keeps him strong, I still feel bad being on the other side of the world while he and my family struggle. But they are supportive of me and my life here in China, and my folks are a little bit Sino-philic (my dad even speaks a bit of Mandarin), and they're ecstatic to have a Chinese daughter-in-law, so it makes the distance easier to digest.

So the verdict is that China is going to have to deal with this skinny tattooed laowai for a long time to come, but we're friends so it's cool. One great thing about our new home's suburban location is the lack of foreigners. I think I could really monopolize the market on English and Tina would like to establish some sort of Latin dance studio. Oh the possibilities....

The Laowai Rock Star Complex

2009-04-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

If you are foreign, male, young to middle-aged, and not hideously ugly, then you will notice several things that will occur to and around you in China. These things will become apparent within mere days of your arrival in China. *Disclaimer: I don't know how it works being a foreign woman in China, so I can't comment on that.*

- People will look at you. A lot. Especially if you are under the age of 35 and are wearing tasteful clothes. Depending on where you are in China, older people will look at you with a semi-confused, somewhat vacant stare. Young people will examine you meticulously. Boys will analyze your fashion sense and athleticism, sometimes whispering an observation about you to their pals and then laughing loudly. Girls will look initially surprised to see you, then will smile self-consciously but will not break eye contact. When you pass, they will whisper and giggle behind your back.
- You will become an object of gossip at your place of employment, especially if you work as a foreign teacher. If you are single, you will be continually quizzed about what kind of girl you like, and the more brazen young women will try their hand at flirting with you. If you are attached or married, you will be continually quizzed about your significant other, such as how you met her, where she comes from, whether or not she can speak English, etc. You will probably still encounter flirting even if it is common knowledge that you are not available.
- People will ask to take photos with you, sometimes on the street and with people you've never met. More often than not, these offers will be made by teenagers, both boys and girls.
- When you walk into a restaurant, you will be greeted by the customary throng of hostesses, but you will notice that the hostess will pay close attention to you, often setting your place and pouring your tea first. If you request where to find the restroom, they will often escort you.
- In a club or bar, random people will come up and want to drink with you. The people who do this can often speak a little English, but even if they can't they will still be very happy to share a drink with you.
- You will be asked to participate in special events- school functions, opening ceremonies, possibly even television programs. You will also be solicited for photo sessions for promotions and advertisements.
- You will have an abundance of women's attention and offers of affection.
- You will be treated as an honored guest at meals and parties.
- People will go out of their way to accommodate and assist you.

Now, all this sounds wonderful, and it is. But I've noticed, in my own life and in those of my fellow expats, a tendency to assume that our status as foreigners opens every door. It's easy to assume that everyone wants to be our friend, that everyone has time to help us with our issues, that every woman is fair game, that every duty we perform will be met with a smile and a nod. But I have noticed a fair amount of irritation among Chinese people at the arrogant foreigners who swagger around like kings and speak contemptuously of this land they feel they possess. This sense of entitlement can grow into pride and pomp, looking down on China as simply a place to exploit for easy money, cheap labor, and carnal pleasures. I think it is important for expats in China to remember that we are all guests and we are not entitled to anything except fair treatment and hospitality. As the concept of the "exotic foreigner" loses its mystique, I think an attitude of respect and diligence will outweigh the diminishing awe of a "mysterious traveler from a land far, far away."

Gasp, A Foreigner! BLAHHRRG

2009-04-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking on the street on the way to the ferry and a little elementary school student was walking towards me. She looked about 6 or 7 years old. Just as she was about to pass me, she looked up, saw me, and promptly vomited on the sidewalk next to me. I hope it was because she had some bad porridge for breakfast.

Are Asian Language Tattoos Disrespectful?

2009-03-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

Google "Asian tattoo" and you'll get a slew of sites boasting about and bemoaning the Western trend of Asian language tattoos, primarily Chinese and Japanese. Those against Asian language tattoos usually argue on the points of frequent mistranslation, but I've come across numerous articles declaring that getting a tattoo in a language whose country and culture the wearer usually knows nothing about can be disrespectful and offensive.

My opinion on this matter is both valid and not valid. I have five Chinese language tattoos (one being my wife's name on my ring finger, the other four are on my back- see the small photo on the right). However, these tattoos were applied in China by a Chinese person and I have spent considerable time in China which has allowed me more than just a tourist's familiarity. I have never encountered any contempt or ridicule from Chinese people because of my cultural ink- quite the opposite actually. And when I have visited America, I didn't display my Chinese ink in public, so I didn't receive any negative reactions there either. Yet I've heard about many instances where someone's Asian language tattoo was criticized, embarrassing mistranslations and gibberish aside, simply for cheapening another culture, one far older than America's.

This argument sometimes holds water, but can't be applied to every instance. The most important aspects of choosing a tattoo are meaning, appearance, and placement. Asian languages, particularly Chinese and Japanese, are very concise and aesthetically pleasing. For many people, it simply looks better and saves space (and money and pain) to have a phrase tattooed in one of these languages rather than in English. However, if someone is getting an Asian language tattoo to "connect" to Eastern cultures, this is very superficial and somewhat insulting.

The most common Chinese tattoos that I've come across are ”力“ (strength), “爱” (love),“龙” (dragon), and “美” (beautiful). In the Chinese language, a character is rarely isolated and is usually contextualized by other characters, so just having one character emblazoned on your skin is cute and fashionable but doesn't hold the same meaning as it would if it were displayed in China. However, the Western wearer isn't looking to appropriate Chinese semantics- they want the Western meaning with an Eastern flair, and I believe this is okay, even if it is a bit trite. Imagine a Chinese person with the English word "cool" or "lovely" tattooed on them, and you get the idea.

A closer view of my Chinese tattoos

Besides the single character on my finger for my wife's name (it would have been too crowded to have her family name in there too :-P), the four words on my back are made up of two characters each. And while they don't form a coherent phrase, there is a sequential meaning, and it's one that Chinese people understand when I explain the placement. My first character is “和平” (peace), followed by three words: “尊敬” (respect)， “仁慈” (kindness)，and “牺牲” (sacrifice). These three elements are what lead to peace. Of course this makes no sense initially but when I explain it to people, they immediately understand. I admit that being in China was a big reason why I wanted to get Chinese tattoos, but in a way I realized I was showing respect rather than disrespect by getting tattoos with very personal meanings in a language that represents a country I have spent time getting to know. A foreign language tattoo can be a sort of homage, and unless there is a deep or personal meaning, it is just cheap and superficial.

Beckham's Chinese cursive script tattoo. Chinese people say it's accurate and well-done. It's a proverb about fate.

OMG, like totally stylin'!!

2009-03-18T04:19:00.000-07:00

Hide your daughters...the scourge has arrived. No I'm not talking about Edison Chen, I'm talking about TOTALLY STYLIN' TATTOO BARBIE!

Comes complete with an assortment of cutsie, unoffensive tattoo stickers, as well as a temporary tattoo gun. You too can bring out your inner white-trash!

I'm all for girls getting tattoos, but you know that the little kids who pick this up aren't going to show the restraint that usually should accompany tattoo choices :-P.

The couple that inks together....

2009-03-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have a tattoo of a scorpion on my upper right forearm. It's symbolic of a gift my father gave me when I was young, but it's also my zodiac sign (Scorpio). Tina's big into astrology and star signs (she's a Leo) and she'd always like my scorpion design.

As our relationship was growing, I guess my love of ink rubbed off on her a bit, and she informed me that she wanted a tattoo. Of course I was very supportive, but I was hesitant when she told me that she wanted an exact copy of my scorpion design. Our relationship was serious at that point (we were living together) but I wasn't sure where we were ultimately heading, and I was mindful of the countless warnings you hear from people who get their lover's name or other memento tattooed on them and then they break up and are stuck with an indelible reminder of their failed relationship.

But I didn't want to express my uncertainty to Tina because I feared she would interpret it as doubt on my part. I did tell her that I felt a little nervous about her choice and she told me that she was aware of the permanence and was cool with it. So I gave her my blessing and held her hand as she squirmed and winced as my constellation was gouged into her skin. I was proud of her for going through with it, but I was still haunted by the jinx that I heard so many stories about. She loved it and felt that we were more connected now, and I did too, but my cautious nature would often nudge me (really, I am a careful person, I just make decisions quickly).

Time passed.... The tattoo healed, life went on, and our love deepened. And now we're married. So if any of you lovebirds out there feel jittery about getting your partner's name inked on you or you're nervous about ink you've already gotten, don't be. There's no jinx; things may or may not work out in live but a permanent reminder isn't a curse, and may even make somethings more real. Don't worry, ink happy :-).

This is the design on my arm. Sorry, I don't have a photo of Tina's version; you'll have to wait till bikini season :-P

By the way, if you're having trouble sleeping and you're looking for some soothing music to help you drift off, check out Sepultura's new masterpiece A-Lex. It's a concept album interpreting A Clockwork Orange. Pristine, beautiful, ferocious sonic ultraviolence. The part about helping you sleep was just a joke.

Wedding Party!

2009-03-01T01:55:00.000-08:00

Here are some photos from the wedding party Tina and I threw for our friends this weekend. We had a buffet dinner at a hotel restaurant, then wobbled over to a nearby bar, then Tina and I had our own 5-star party (sorry, you don't get to see those pictures :-P). This is just a sample- I'll upload some more when I get them from my friends.

We had so much fun, we might just have to do it again :-).

Just Dropping By...

2009-02-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

Hey surfer dudes and dudettes, just thought I'd stop by for a sec and give you all the 411 since my relocation to sunny Xiamen. And the word is....

Xiamen ROCKS!!! The weather is great, the city is gorgeous, I get to see the ocean everyday, and it's the perfect balance of cosmopolitan and small town. And the university where I teach is freakin' sweet. It's a private university under the umbrella of Xiamen University, and all things considered it's a great setup. Plus the campus is incredibly beautiful.

Of course I've been adding to my body art collection. Here are some of the new additions to my skin gallery.

Oh and one more thing- I'M MARRIED!! Yep, got the license and everything. This weekend we're having a small wedding party and in the future we'll have a big shindig in her hometown in Hubei province.

Her English name is Tina, and I met her at an English training center where I was working during the summer while I was waiting for the university semester to start. Now you're probably groaning about the cliche of foreign teacher/starry-eyed student hook-up, but she's the same age as me, not an easily-seduced naive youngster. Yeah of course she's blazing hot, but her personality and excitement immediately set her apart from the masses. Our relationship went full throttle really quickly, and this usually results in a crash-and-burn, but we just click on every important level and we've tied the knot after only 8 months. Both of our families are excited for us, and I haven't had a moment's regret about making such a drastic choice. And she's wild about me too :-P. I bought her a sweet diamond from America, and since I don't dig rings, I got something slightly more permanent for my ring finger. Peep the pix.

I hope you have a chance to visit Xiamen if it strikes your fancy. Who knows what treasures you might find ;-).

Turning the Page

2008-06-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

In about a week I'll be leaving the old behind me and starting a new life in a new city with new friends and new adventures awaiting. I've had some good times these past three years but it's time for a fresh start in a different part of this massive country. Cheers for the future.

I've enjoyed blogging about tattoos and ladies and random weirdness these several months, but I'm think it's time to wrap up this blog. There will be plenty of more tattoos and hopefully more ladies in the future but I've found that writing on this blog saps my creative energies which are already a bit diminished being here in China and I find it more fulfilling to channel creativity into more tangible efforts. I used to do a substantial amount of poetry and short stories back in the day and I would like to pick that up again and this blog has been a convenient siphon that I must close.

Thanks to everyone who stopped by and to those who didn't, you didn't miss much :-).

Peace out chili dogs. TIC for better or worse.

Train Talk

2008-06-10T00:07:00.001-07:00

During the 3-day Dragon Boat Festival, I meandered down to sunny Xiamen. I got sunburned, I got tattooed, I had beer spilled on me on the train, and I partied with football-crazed Swedes. Everything necessary for a great holiday weekend. I'll be moving to Xiamen permanently in a few weeks to begin teaching at a university there. 'Twill be sweet.

Call me crazy, but I prefer seats to beds on train trips. The beds are boring if you're traveling alone and even though the seats are less comfortable, it at least lets you watch people. Of course the seating cars are more messy and more noisy but I can sleep anywhere anytime, so even if I'm not tired, I just doze off for half an hour at a time.

However, the most annoying aspect of the seating cars are the migrant workers who spot the foreigner and their eyes light up like a kid's on Christmas. Here's some entertainment to relieve the monotony of Chinese train travel.

No disrespect, but the migrant workers are usually from the countryside and their public manners can be a bit lacking. When they see you, they will loudly point out that you're a foreigner (happens virtually everywhere in China) but they will continue talking about you, wondering where you're from, what you're doing in China, etc. The other passengers around them will join in the gawking and speculation, which can sometimes be quite comical. This weekend a group of men surrounding me were debating if I'm from Xinjiang or Russia (Xingjiang? For real?).

Now when this town hall meeting is going on, they will constantly be looking up at you. Unless you want to get tossed to the lions, do not make eye contact with them while they are talking about you. If you do, their faces will light up and one will call out excitedly, “听懂吗？“ You now have two choices: you can say yes and be subjected to an intense grilling with all of the questions that foreigners are exhausted with answering- "Where are you from?" "Do you like Chinese food?" "How long are you in China?" If your Chinese is good, the conversation will snowball and you will get bombarded by eager passengers who want to marvel at the speaking foreigner with increasingly complex and often personal questions- "How would you compare China and *your country*?" "How much money do you make?" "How many Chinese girls have you slept with?" If your Chinese is not too good, you will feel like you're taking a Chinese exam and the pressure to answer their questions can become aggravating.

Or you can lie and say that you don't understand and proceed to flip through songs on your MP3 player, and they will quickly lose interest. Of course, you lose an opportunity to make yourself and foreigners in general look good, but for me, it's usually not worth it. I enjoy speaking Chinese to people on the train who want to have a genuine conversation, and they are usually families and students. But if it's amusement they're looking for, I'm happy to be disappointing entertainment.

Lose a Lover, Gain a Language

2008-05-31T04:10:00.000-07:00

It's been about three months since my girlfriend and I broke up, and I must say that my Chinese language ability has grown more in these three months than in the entire previous year. There are a few reasons for this, but the biggest reason was that her English was so damn good, we hardly spoke Chinese to each other, except to be cute. She also accompanied me everywhere and usually did the translation for me. In short, I became language-lazy. I was still making progress on my own time, but not as much as my single friends.

Now that I'm flying solo, I've really had to step up my skillz. I learned the Chinese necessities pretty quickly after I came to China and even when I was with my girlfriend, I was always making steady, albeit slow, progress. But language is more than just communication, it's also conversation. In the time since the break-up, I've gone out with a few girls, just to keep my game sharp ;-). Some of them speak little or no English, and of course we can't eat dinner or walk around the park in silence, so these situations have forced me to dig into my vocabulary and assimilate new words that I pick up. And with any exercise, it becomes easier with frequency. The girl that I'm currently rolling with doesn't speak any English but somehow we manage to have really enjoyable conversations together. Of course she teaches me new words and I return the favor but it's more satisfying to speak in Chinese, both for her and for me. Chinese people don't expect foreigners to learn Chinese well and it surprises and flatters them when a foreigner takes the effort to learn Chinese. Especially for the girls, because conversation is such an important part of a girl's life, and she will feel relaxed and excited if she can communicate with a foreigner in her native tongue. As Sinosplice John says, "Learn Chinese." Everything's sexier in another language ;-).

Speaking of sexy, my tattoo shop, which is primarily a make-up salon, had a body-painting show today. I'm sorry, I didn't bring my camera, but let me just say that slim, graceful Chinese girls with pictures on their bodies, painted or tattooed, are beyond hot.

We're Worried That If You Teach Here, The Students Will Want To Look Like You

2008-05-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

I recently received an email from the school where I was planning to work next school year. After checking out some of my photos online, they told me that my tattoos would be a problem (not the ones on my back, just on my right forearm), since the school has a mandate that teachers can't have exposed tattoos.

Education has consistently been a conservative discipline, especially so in China. Teachers are admonished to have a presentable appearance, since they are role models for the students and should not exhibit any adverse characteristics that the students might want to emulate (e.g., tattoos, funky hair, etc.). However, changing aesthetic attitudes, especially in the West, means that many foreigners coming to China will have an "alternative appearance" that undoubtedly will raise many eyebrows.

China places extreme importance on appearance. The way you look is generally an accurate representation of your job, personality, and social status (in China, you often can judge a book by its cover) and having tattoos is not acceptable for teachers, which have been traditionally associated with criminals and bad boys/girls. Yet China must also realize that in the West, while appearance sometimes can indicate a person's character, "alternative appearances" are becoming more and more mainstream and benign. I have gotten my tattoos simply for aesthetic purposes (and the surprising fact that Chinese girls love them), not in any attempt to be rebellious or draw attention to myself (I'm a foreigner in China- how can I get stared at any more than I do already?). And I am the kind of person that most schools are looking for- young, energetic, and experienced. Yet this school is letting a relatively small issue overshadow my positive aspects.

I'm not mad or offended or even surprised. I knew that when I got my ink, especially on my forearm, that it might rub some people the wrong way, and I have sometimes been initially perceived as a bad boy. But I am always glad when people tell me later that they are surprised that I'm really a nice and gentle guy, and that is what I would like to proliferate in China- that one's appearance is not necessarily who they are. I gave up long ago trying to get people to think of me as a tough guy- I still get called "cute" no matter how much ink I get :-). And to this school's credit, they did agree that I could teach there but they sounded a bit reluctant and honestly, I don't want to be in an unsure environment and more importantly, I don't want to cause offense or hurt the school's reputation. For me, tattoos are not a big deal, but that's because of my exposure to them. For others, they are still an obstacle and it will take a while before they're accepted. Same story with the miniskirt, and now everything's golden :-).

The good news is that I found another school in the same area and all things considered, it seems to be a better deal. My advice to anyone looking to work in China is check with your employer if you have any visible piercings, tattoos, weird hair, forehead implants, etc., especially if you're working for a school (my new school knows I have tattoos and they're cool with it). I've met teachers with full sleeves, pierced tongues, waist-length dreds, but more often than not, foreign teachers are pretty normal-looking and this is what schools expect. If you're inclined to the rock n' roll end of the fashion spectrum, it doesn't hurt to give them the heads up.

Anyone had any problems caused by their appearance in China?

The arm in question. Good thing I decided against the impaled skull design.

I'm Excited About the Olympics Too! Did You Notice the Beijing Tattoo on My Face?

2008-05-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

He doesn't seem too happy though. Maybe he just realized what he did.

Meet T-Bag, Your New 外语老师

2008-05-17T00:55:00.000-07:00

Prison Break is the most popular American television program in China. In addition to depicting the glamorous American prison system, it has also increased China's awareness of the proliferation of tattoos in the West.

A heavily-tattooed foreigner is very rare in China, and a heavily-tattooed foreign teacher is rarer still. And because nearly every student in China has seen Prison Break, I constantly hear murmurs of "Scofield!" as I walk past. I hear this almost as much as the ubiquitous “老外！“

But there is another nickname that been bestowed upon me, also thanks to Prison Break. And it has nothing to do with my tattoos.

Bummer, huh?

The Pros and Cons of Dating a Small-City Chinese Girl

2008-05-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

*Note: generally not applicable to large urban areas such as Beijing, Shanghai, etc.

For the last three years, I've lived in two small-sized cities in China (avg. pop. 1 million) and I've met quite a variety of girls. They all have their differences but they all share similarities, some of which make them ideal partners and some that can drive men away, especially foreigners who are expecting a Western-style relationship. Now we all know that Chinese girls are gorgeous and affectionate and nearly every foreign dude that comes to China eventually picks one up (or several). Here is some advice and suggestions for anyone wondering what to expect from a foreign guy/Chinese girl relationship. Of course individual results may vary, and I hope I do not offend or condescend in any way. I'm just giving my honest opinions from experience and observations.

The Pros:

-Affection: Chinese girls are very emotional, and while this can also be a con, they will devote themselves heart and soul to their man if they feel that he really loves them, or at least reciprocates their affection.
-Eagerness: Chinese girls are waiting to be swept off their feet, and since they are used to being treated merely as sexual objects by most men, it doesn't take much to make their eyes sparkle. If a man shows genuine interest in them as a person and not just as a midnight snack, she will have no hesitation giving herself to him, body and soul. A misconception among foreigners is that Chinese girls are easy to get into bed, but I think it's more of an eagerness to find her man that makes a girl jump into bed with him so that she can keep him interested, but more importantly because she is happy that he loves her.
-Sex: Chinese girls have firm, tight bodies, are very flexible, and are up for anything. She might be shy and coy in public but when the lights go out, there are no limits. Sometimes they might need a little persuasion but it's all just a game and actually makes them more tantalizing. They are also very expressive, if ya know what I mean ;-).
-Excitement: a boyfriend makes a Chinese girl feel complete and validated, and a foreign boyfriend brings the possibility of new worlds and ideas being opened to her. Every girl (and boy) dreams of far-away places and exotic locales, and a foreign boyfriend can make this a reality for her. Of course a girl will not choose a foreigner over a Chinese man simply because he can take her to new countries, but this is simply icing on the cake.
-Family: this is a pro and a con. Initially, it may be difficult for the girl's family to accept the foreign boyfriend (because we know all foreign guys are playboys and heartbreakers who just want sex) but after they realize that he is making their daughter truly happy, and that he loves to drink beer, the family will warm up to him and invite him to their home often. The girl's family is usually from the countryside or suburbs where old-fashioned ideas of chastity and gentility are still rooted, so don't expect the girl to admit to her family that she is living with her boyfriend or for the man to be able to hold her hand in front of her family.

The Cons:
-Attachment: for a Chinese girl, her boyfriend is her support, her anchor, her big brother. An old saying in China goes: "A girl is the bird, and a man is the tree in which the bird finds safety." The girl is expecting the man to take care of her, not looking for a soulmate. A break-up is very difficult for a Chinese girl, because it means she is adrift in the big, wide, unpredictable world. She may not have the job or social skills to be successful, and though she might be able to make a living and be independent, she would much rather have a man to guide and support her. Now I'm not saying that Chinese girls are lazy shopaholics who don't want to work (though I'm met many of these too), but for a Chinese girl, being alone is the worst feeling in the world and she will cling to the relationship with all her might, even if it's time to let it go.
-Lack of hobbies: in general, Chinese people have developed few unique hobbies because of such extreme emphasis on work and study, and most girls have the same interests: shopping, fashion, QQ, singing, calligraphy, reading, maybe an instrument. You're going to have a hard time finding a girl who writes avant-garde poetry or makes mosaics out of coffee mug fragments. Most of them have no interest in philosophical or historical discussions, and they usually like dramas and romantic comedies. In my own experience and most of my friends' as well, the girls we are with become predictable and eventually boring. In a Chinese girl, you're probably not going to find a vivacious and fiery personality. I'm not saying she'll be dull- far from it. Chinese girls are full of energy and pep, but it's not directed towards unconventional pursuits.
-Safety: historically, Chinese are not risk-takers (hence a very stable country with a huge population). Chinese children are coddled by their parents are steered away from any danger no matter how slight, and they are not encouraged to engage in dangerous/adventurous activities (compare the number of Chinese children wearing arm and leg casts to those in Western countries). In China, risk is unnecessary; safety means stability and ensured survival. Thus it's difficult to get Chinese girls to try anything that might even have the illusion of risk, like a roller coaster or zipline. Of course, the non-adventurous blandess has already been pried loose by her willingness to date a foreigner so she'll probably try it with enough prodding, and she might love it or not. But in my own life, I've found a little risk and adventure becomes contagious and I've done some wild things to get that natural high and it's usually no different for Chinese girls.

Bottom line: Chinese girls are sweet, loyal, sexy, feminine, helpful, and above all, loving. They love to have fun, try new things, and are happy just to spend time with their man. I had a girlfriend for two years (and a couple short "flings"), yet the most gratifying aspects of the relationships were physical. I truly did love my girlfriend, but not as deeply as I could have if her personality and spirit captivated me as much as her heart and beauty. She loved me because I provided her with what she wanted and needed, and I loved her back because of this, but this isn't the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.

All things considered, you probably won't find your soulmate/love-of-your-life in a small Chinese city. The bigger cities have more varieties of girls, and there are many reasons for this, but the fact is that smaller-city girls are more serious about marriage and taking care of their families, so they're not thinking as much about hobbies, entrepreneurial ideas, etc. And like I've said, there are always exceptions, and everyone has different tastes and needs. I've met guys that are perfectly content to have the arm-candy/bedroom-entertainment girlfriend who lets them drink with their pals till the wee hours of the morning with little or no complaints. In my observations, I've noticed that more often than not, the foreign guy gets a girlfriend because it's easy, she's hot, and it's better than being alone. It's hard for the male ego to resist a sweet, adoring girl who loves to be with you and help you. The "just because" girlfriend is easy to find and just as easily replaceable. But the girl that truly connects with your soul- that's going to take some searching, and that's the way it is in any country.

Fresh Ink and a Photo Op

2008-05-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

I satisfied my monthly tattoo fix today (the dreaded inside upper arm- I've got both right and left upper arms inked now and lived to tell about it, but damn if today wasn't 5 hours of the most righteous pain ever). It was at a typical Chinese tattoo parlor- meaning a make-up salon.

The obvious benefits are having a cute tattoo artist (the student of the afore-mentioned matriarch- pretty and petite but slow as hell: BZZZZ, wipe, BZZZZ, wipe. geez girl I'm not made of glass- grind it in there for a few moments, I can take it), as well as other workers and customers indulging their curiosity to see the infamous laowai inked up like a prison convict. Anyway, after the pain and subsequent rejoicing (pictures forthcoming), I went to the counter to make payment and was enthusiastically directed to the Red Cross donations box for the victims of the Sichuan earthquake. I yanked out my wallet, extracted some money, and proceeded to drop it in the box, when one of the girls told me to wait. One of her friends promptly yanked out a camera and the other girl cracked a beaming smile behind me as my hand held the money halfway in the donations box, a deer-in-the-headlights grin animating my face. A few photos were snapped, and I left the salon amidst a profusion of “谢谢's," which were probably more for the substantial sum I dropped on my new ink, rather than my well-documented donation to the Red Cross.

I headed down the narrow alley, feeling every bit the foreign bitch that I was.

Chinese historical epics? Yawn. Korean monster epics? Hell yes!

2008-05-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

I usually like dark, brooding, thought-provoking films. But sometimes you need some fluffy whipped cream to counter a steady diet of vitamins and minerals. My inner 12-year-old found just what he was looking for with last year's Korean smash-fest Dragon Wars

I won't lie- on all serious merits, this film sucks. The acting is abominable, the dialogue is kooky, and the plot is as thin as a shadow. But the dragons...oh the dragons, the fire, the destruction... I haven't had this much fun since... well it was a lot of fun :-).

I'm not usually a fan of Korean cinema- predictable plots, cliched characters, super-sappy and emotional. Pretty much like Chinese cinema. But whereas China continually cranks out visually-impressive bloated historical battle epics with all the soul and passion of a cement block, director Hyung-rae Shim puts these massive-scale tendencies to good use by having dragons obliterate downtown LA. The dragons are the only reason to watch this film, but it's a great reason. The effects are spectacular. Michael Bay must have blown his load when he saw this. And I'm sure he did, since he's a 12-year-old disguised as a Tinseltown bigshot :-).

D-War- loud, stupid, but I dare you not to crack an impish smile watching 50-story monsters destroy everything in sight. Hollywood has Godzilla, Independence Day, King Kong, Transformers, and tons of other city-squashing delights, but I have never seen anything like this.

An EXTREME Cheese Snack for Your EXTREME Hunger!

2008-05-08T01:17:00.000-07:00

So you've got a few tattoos and piercings, huh? Go base-jumping on weekends? Seen Slayer 15 times in concert? And you think that makes you extreme? Think again. Sucka, you haven't even tasted extreme until you've had Doritos Brand ROCK TACO Nacho Cheese Snacks!

If you like weak-ass teeny-bopper pop snacks, then go home and cry to Mama. But if you've got a heavy metal hunger that only the most extreme cheese snack can satisfy, then look no further. Cowboy up and get in the pit with Doritos Brand ROCK TACO Cheese Snacks! It will kick your ass and rock your face! Available only in China.

Hot Weather, Hot Springs, and a Hot Girl at 明月山

2008-05-06T03:34:00.000-07:00

During the lamentably shortened May Holiday, I trekked over to the neighboring city of Yi Chun to check out the Bright Moon Mountain and adjacent hot spring with my friend Mary. She already has a boyfriend and even if she was available, I don't think she would be right for me, but she's probably the coolest Chinese girl I know and I can hang out and talk about anything with her, which is definitely a rarity in this country. The day was a blast and scratched my nature itch (though "nature" by and large in China means a carefully manicured mountain overrun by tourists). Check out the photogs:

Stop Callin' Me!

2008-05-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

I'm a nice guy. For real. I try to make everyone smile wherever I go and be compassionate and mindful of others' feelings. And as you can see from the post below, I'm aware of the delicacy with which a girl's heart should be handled. However, as I also noted below, Chinese girls (and often girls in general) can latch on too tightly to someone and it takes a bit of gentle prying to loosen their grip. (Quick word to the wise: not letting go of someone when the relationship is ending or there is no relationship at all will not make that person want you more; in fact you will achieve the opposite of the desired result). Yet sometimes even the most tactful emotional diplomacy fails.

Where to turn for inspiration in turbulent times? Why, to Atlanta's towering lighthouse of reason and wit, Dem Franchise Boyz, of course! Below is one of their hit songs that essentially sums up the smack you occasionally have to lay down (with utmost tenderness and understanding, of course). Although my situation doesn't exactly parallel the song's content (specifically the baby mama angle), I think this gets the point across.

A Chinese Girl's Heart: Tread Softly

2008-04-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

Of course this title is misleading. There are tons of Chinese girls that are as much players as the guys and break hearts without a second thought. However, at least in my experience, most Chinese girls are very affectionate and are eager, sometimes too eager, to give their love to any man that is sweet and kind to them, especially when they are young.

For the majority of Chinese girls, there is no such thing as a casual relationship. A Chinese girl usually interprets any intimate behavior, such as gifts, romantic messages, sex, etc., as indications of long-term relationship potential, and the fact of the matter is that most Chinese girls are looking for a man to take care of them and they are quick to latch on to such possibilities. I don't mean this in a condescending or diminutive way; I'm just stating my observations after years of field research :-). Chinese girls are extremely affectionate and usually very loyal, because their man is providing them with stability and security. In return she gives her affection, her body, and her fidelity. Whether this is "love" is another discussion, but it is this "emotional transaction" that leads to so many broken hearts among Chinese girls.

Everyone has fanciful illusions of fairy tale love stories but of course reality is a harsh teacher. A man can throw out words and money and attention willy-nilly but a girl's affection is her precious possession, and when it is tossed aside after being used up, it can be devastating. Chinese girls are very naive about love and romance, in spite of it being largely absent from Chinese culture. Yet a heart is a heart, and love is an incredible treasure, and when it is placed in the hands of someone who recognizes just how special it is, that heart will sing. But the sad truth is, far too many hearts grow cold and dim as the beautiful dream withers and dies, leaving a life that is biologically satisfied but lacking any real purpose.

Your tattoo will be ready in a minute, dearie

2008-04-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of my current ink artist. In the West, the typical tattooist is a burly dude (or dudette) and is usually covered in tattoos themselves. Here in China, nearly all my ink has been done by matronly middle-aged women that look like they would be friends with my mother. And they usually have little to no ink themselves, but they get the job done. Honestly now, I feel more comfortable going under the needle with one of these ladies than a younger guy or girl.

The Matriarch

O'Reilly: The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend

2008-04-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

AP- Famed comedian Bill O'Reilly of the satirical news channel FOX News stunned his legions of loyal viewers by commending Chinese mobs on their vehement protests of France and the French enterprises such as Carrefour that have invaded their country. O'Reilly has long been a vocal opponent of China's Communist party and government strategies but today O'Reilly revealed that he is willing to bury the hatemongering hatchet in pursuit of a common enemy: France.

O'Reilly has been rabidly anti-French for most of the 21st century. He became particularly incensed when the French opposed America's mission to liberate Iraq from Hussein's tyrannical regime and promptly called for a "boycott of France." O'Reilly encouraged his viewers to abstain from anything French or French-related to express contempt for what he felt was a country of lazy, ineffectual pseudo-intellectuals who would rather analyze a situation ad nauseum than actually get off their asses and do something about it. Now China and O'Reilly have joined forces, and though the truce between the two powerhouses may be tenuous, representatives for both sides expressed confidence that together, they can grind the French scourge into the dust of history.

As of press time, there was no word yet as to whether O'Reilly would be traveling to China to hoist his own protest sign among the masses assembled outside Chinese Carrefour supermarkets, though he did encourage all Americans to boycott their own local Carrefour markets, which may actually be displaying signs reading "Wal-Mart" in an attempt to escape protests.

-The Associated Prezz

She's Got Le-egs!

2008-04-19T03:45:00.000-07:00

ZZ Top? Anyone? Ok anyway, let's hear it for summertime in China. Most Chinese girls are attractive, a large number are pretty, and a decent amount are beautiful, and they all know it and ain't afraid to show it. So when the temp goes up, so do the hemlines, and us dudes are happy campers.

Today I went with a girl to get a tattoo for her (that I designed :-) and she was wearing a white fluttery smock/dress, gleaming white heels, and the most neon pink hose I've ever seen. But thanks to Chinese genes, she has uber-lovely legs so it's all good. I'm amazed at what Chinese girls can wear and still look incredible. When was the last time you saw a frumpy girl on the street in China? Exactly.

Guns good for China?

2008-04-11T00:35:00.000-07:00

This week we were doing mock press conferences in English class, where students would be assigned controversial industries to defend and would have to be spokespeople for that industry while their classmates, the "reporters," would merciless grill them on this or that detrimental element of their industry. The classes are a riot to see students get fired up about issues they've never considered before and it's fun to watch the spokespeople squirm and manufacture the craziest answers to uncomfortable questions.

Since the details of a press conference weren't too clear to most of them, I volunteered myself to be an example of a spokesperson and I would take questions from the "reporters." I assumed the role as a gun lobbyist in China to persuade the government to allow the unrestricted manufacture and distribution of guns in China. At first the students were all over me- "Won't the crime rate increase?" "What about children who find their parent's gun and accidentally shoot their playmate?" "Won't China become more dangerous?"

Now having lived in America most of my life, the gun issue is nothing new and I know all the pre-packaged soundbites- "We encourage our customers to keep their guns unloaded and in a safe place in the house." "If the children are old enough to know how to use a gun, they are old enough to learn that they aren't toys." "If only criminals have guns, then yes, China will become more dangerous. But we plan to make our guns available to everyone. If the thief knows that someone in the house may have a gun, he will hesitate to rob that house. If everyone has a gun, everyone can protect themselves, so the criminals will think twice before attacking someone." The old J. Caesar approach- if you want peace, prepare for war.

And you know what? I inadvertently persuaded many of them. By the end of our press conference, they were nodding in agreement as I countered their classmates' arguments. I'm not anti-gun but my family doesn't own guns and I would rather nobody have guns than everybody have guns. I just never knew how convincing these canned answers can really be.

You won't be seeing these guys on tour with S.H.E.

2008-04-08T02:41:00.000-07:00

Never thought I'd see these words used together: Chinese black doom metal. I know China is hiding plenty of heavy metal bands in underground clubs but I haven't been able to hear what they sound like, since I don't live in Beijing and this seems to be where most Chinese metal is. But thanks to our precariously unblocked YouTube, we can enjoy the furious sounds of an unharmonious society. Check it out:

Disaster Falchion- plodding doom metal with blackened vocals. Nothing spectacular, just nice to see this genre being explored.

Maul Heavily- imagine a Chinese version of KoRn, though a bit more aggressive, and throw in some traditional flutes. Well done if you ask me.

Evil Thorn- the Chinese Dimmu Borgir. They're rocking the corpse paint and spike armbands. Raw black metal usually sucks and this is no exception, but just seeing this in China makes me chuckle.

YouTube has a bunch of other Chinese metal videos- check 'em out if you're interested. If anyone has any recommendations on good Chinese metal bands and where they're hiding, let me know.

Chinese Anonymous

2008-04-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

I was walking with a student a couple years ago, and as usually happens to foreigners in China, especially in schools, students were constantly blurting out "Hello!" "Oh so cool!" "What's your name?"

Of course these words are thrown out just to impress their peers that they're brave enough to talk at (not to) the foreigner, but the student said something interesting. Now she was a very pretty girl but not beautiful enough to stand out among the crowd. She said with a small smile, "Everybody notices you when you go out."

I shrugged and agreed. "That's the way it is for foreigners in China."

The girl sighed and gazed into the distance. "I wish people would notice me...," she said quietly.

I never forgot those words. It's tough to stand out in the world's largest population and most homogenous society.

Where's the beef? And mutton?

2008-04-06T18:58:00.002-07:00

I live in a city in a fairly rural province and I've seen plenty of farms (which sadly lack the quaint charm of Western countrysides. It's funny: in America the cities are pits but the farms are lovely, and in China the farms are full of rubbish and most cities sparkle, at least at a quick glance). Anyway, I love beef dishes and I'm especially fond of the Muslim mutton barbecue, but I have never seen a beef or dairy cow, or a sheep, in a Chinese farm. I've seen plenty of pigs and chickens and oxen for pulling the plows, and I've seen sheep in local zoos, but never on a farm. Where does all the beef and mutton meat come from?

One more thing: has anyone had real homogenized, pasteurized, vitamin D milk in China?

Anti-CNN.com fever sparks copycats

2008-04-05T22:24:00.000-07:00

AP- In the wake of recent news reports by Western media outlets covering the Tibetan riots and subsequent Chinese military crackdown, many Chinese citizens are expressing outrage over what they feel is "Western media bias" against China. Many citizens with online access, or "netizens," have started online petitions and even created websites aimed at exposing errors or manipulations in Western news reports.

One such site that gained quick notoriety is anti-CNN.com. On this site, Chinese netizens can vent frustration on forums, but can also give their own perspective on the turmoil in Tibet and offer evidence to counter Western news reports, complete with unaltered photographs and first-hand accounts.

One historical element of Chinese culture is the immediate and wanton duplication of a successful formula. Following the hype and popularity of anti-CNN.com, Chinese netizens have created dozens of other sites targeting specific Western media outlets, even going so far as to condemn satirical news programs, such as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, The Late Edition, and FOX News. Subsequent to the airing of an offensive but entirely light-hearted segment about the Chinese crackdown on the riots, anti-thedailyshowwithjonstewart.com received 40,00 angry posts in two hours and more than 2,000 photos were posted online to counter Jon Stewart's assertion that the Chinese military were suspected of disguising themselves as marijuana-smoking European backpackers so that they could blend in more easily with the rioters.

Most Chinese netizens fail to realize that the anti-Chinese rhetoric of commentators such as Stephen Colbert and Bill O'Reilly is entirely farcical and should never be taken at face value. However, this simple fact has escaped even many Western netizens, with an anti-thecolbertreport.com petition receiving 25,000 signatures from angry conservative housewives complaining that a respected anchor like Stephen Colbert should not use offensive language when reporting on the news.

Among the numerous anchors attacked by China's online community, only Jon Stewart was available for comment: "They get Comedy Central in China?"

-The Associated Prezz

A frail blossom among the ashes

2008-04-05T21:46:00.000-07:00

Well I noticed Blogspot is unblocked again, so I figured I'd jump back on the bronco and ride it until it bucks me off again (holy homoerotic innuendo Batman!).

It's been an interesting winter for everyone. I suppose the biggest post-snowstorm news is that Megan and I are no longer together. Our relationship lasted for almost two years, and we are still friends, but we both realized that things weren't the same with us and it would be better to go apart than to try and make it work. There wasn't any big fight, no anger or bitterness; just a realization that things had run its course. I suppose I initiated it- honestly, I wasn't feeling satisfied with our relationship. The physical and spiritual elements were satisfying but I felt something was missing. I realized that it was a cultural difference in the way we both perceived a healthy relationship.

For Chinese girls, especially those from rural areas or small cities, the ideal mate is a strong, competent, well-respected man that can take care of her and provide her with a stable future. In return, she gives him her body, her affection, and her loyalty, and this is their definition of true love. Of course it's easy for a man, especially a prosperous foreigner, to take advantage of girls in this way but that's beside the point. As far as these things went, this is what I was for Megan and she was completely happy with us. I, on the other hand, was becoming tired of a relationship where I was more of a father figure than a partner. I didn't want to care for somebody as much as I wanted to share life with somebody. When I expressed this to her, it really shook her belief in our love, and even though I wanted to still give us a try, I was just wanting to spare her feeling since I knew it would end sooner or later. Fortunately, she took the initiative and suggested that we break, and even though it hurt both of us, we knew this was best.

Of course, with endings come beginnings, and the future is wide open for both of us. It can be a bit jarring to be suddenly adrift after being tethered to someone for two years, but it's freeing and exciting in a way. I can go wherever I want, do whatever I want, and have only myself to look out for. This was a big reason why I came to China in the first place and now I'm more free to explore the possibilities. That's not to say I'm not still saddened sometimes. I got some ink on my upper right forearm to memorialize our relationship. I had always told Megan that if we ever got married, I would inscribe her Chinese name in that place on my arm, but now that that's not going to happen, I decided to cover it so that no girl could ever have that spot. I got a tribal scorpion inside of a sun, since my zodiac sign is Scorpio and I like what the scorpion represents in various cultures. Of course there's some room on my lower arm but that place will always belong to Megan. I'll put up some pictures once it heals (how metaphorical).

I'm looking to change locations for next school year. I had originally planned to teach around the Shanghai area to be close to Megan since that was where she was working, but this had not been my ideal preference. I had always loved Fujian province so now I'm pursuing my Chinese-life-long dream of living by the ocean. Any homies from Zhangzhou? It's looking pretty promising. Holla if you hear me.

So onward and upward to new things. It's kinda nice being single again, and I'm sure I'll find someone that captures my heart again. This is China, after all :-). I find Chinese girls more physically attractive than Western girls, and hot bodies and cute faces are a dime a dozen here, but the trick is finding someone whose personality and spirit captivates me as much as her figure does. One good thing about being near the ocean is you get a pretty good look at captivating figures :-P. Till then, I'm just doin' my thing, rockin' the block, making people smile. Tomorrow the sun will rise...who knows what the tide will bring?

Excellent interview with the Dalai Lama

2007-10-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Since the Dalai Lama's visit to the US and subsequent ceremony has been a tumultuous issue recently, it made me remember a very intriguing interview that he granted to a prestigious American news magazine a while back (below).

Back in tha hood

2007-10-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

Well Blogspot has been liberated, and for some reason I can't access my Wordpress blog, so I've migrated back. Not a whole lot new to report- classes are going well, even though I'm just regurgitating lesson plans that I developed years ago. I've found that I'm a pretty good teacher (meaning that kids stay awake in my classes and tell me that my lessons are interesting...whether or not their English skills are improving, I'll leave that up to the CET test gods). I do enjoy teaching when I'm actually in the classroom, but when I'm pulling my reluctant ass out of bed in the morning, I would relish any job that didn't require 8 a.m. attendance.

It's been a little difficult being away from Megan. She stays with me on the weekends, but during the week, it gets kinda dull around here. There aren't many people to go eating and drinking with, foreigners or local, though I have met a few fun characters. I just feel so much happier and relaxed when she's around. Here's something I've noticed: I'm a metalhead through and through (this isn't what I've noticed, this is just the introduction). My computer speakers are constantly pounding the walls with hammering guitars and drums, even when I'm going to sleep. But when she's here, I have very little desire to listen to heavy music. One of our hobbies is downloading pop music together, and I enjoy watching her dance, which she loves to do and is pretty damn good at it. I'm so thankful for her and I treasure every moment I can be with her.

I've gotten a little bit of tattoo work done on my right forearm, just to fill in some empty space. I think it looks really cool now, kind of like a little garden. It's still healing, but when it looks all purty I'll post the finished product. I'm like the most non-threatening tattoo enthusiast ever. Everything is animals and vegetation and Chinese writing. I guess the pointy tribal designs on my back and shoulders and the flames on my right arm are edgy. Whatever, it's all good.

I'd like to have a moment of silence for the death of summer ......... Okay, now that that's finished, let's mourn for the specifics. No more:
-badminton
-late nights eating duck and beer at the outdoor restaurants
-tank tops, tiny shorts, miniskirts
-ice cream
-enjoying being outside

Now for the positives:
-jackets and coats (I love denim jackets and black coats)
-enjoying warm beer
-hot pot
-wearing the scarves Megan knit for me
-lots of festivals, Western and Chinese
-warm nights under layers of blankets with my sweetie

I really love warm weather and sunshine and being outside at night, and I hope this winter is a quick one. Global warming does have a few advantages :-) . Well, I don't know how long Blogspot will stay unblocked, so whether or not this is my final transmission, I leave you with this: China is like the geeky MMORPG-playing fantasy nerd at college, who wishes he was popular with the jocks (the world heavyweight countries) but could be appreciated for his own talents (such as playing MMORPGs with exceptional skill). Of course, the jocks would never let him into their circle based on such "uncool" talents, so the nerdy guy attempts to update his fashion and starts playing sports, and eventually becomes capable enough to attract interest and then reluctant acceptance from the jocks, though only based on his abilities and not personality or humor. However, the nerdy guy still feels out of place and wishes that the jocks would recognize and admire his true talents.

This allegory reflects China's awkward yet powerful position in the world. China is wildly in love with its consumate culture, and rightly so, but the world isn't as impressed with long-cherished traditions, excellent calligraphy skills, and finely-honed recipes as Chinese people are. To the world, these are mostly novelties or distractions for tourists, but the Chinese feel that their culture deserves worldwide recognition beyond a level of "oh what a lovely watercolor painting." Yet China hasn't gotten recognition based on its own cultivated abilities, so it has had to adopt world, and specifically Western, strategies for acceptance into the world clique (capitalistic strength, industrial innovation, Western-style entertainment). Of course though, nothing would make China happier than if the world appreciated kung-fu, mooncakes, and the West Lake as much as it does.

As an American, coming from a country synonymous with "cool" and "free" and "adventure," I have to remind myself not to see the attitude and actions of China as pathetic attempts at acceptance, because everyone wants this, and I have just never known what it's like not to be accepted. This is why the Beijing Olympics are such a triumph for China, because to them it means "finally, the world is letting us play too."

These past two days, I've watched two very gripping films, both of which I've seen before but felt compelled to watch again: Narc and Harsh Times. Narc is a terrifying bad cop/badder cop thriller and Harsh Times is a Christian Bale-powered L.A. gangster flick that sometimes strains credibility and overuses urban slang, but both films are superb and tragic character studies that will send you scouring bit torrent sites for bouncy Japanese dance pop to drive away the misery.

New blog home

2007-08-03T05:52:00.000-07:00

Since Blogspot is blocked in China, I've moved this blog here. I've transplanted all the posts from this blog over there so if you want to comment but couldn't before, now you can. Please Great Firewall, don't block Wordpress too. It's a shame, cuz Blogspot is an exceptional blogging site with unparalleled convenience and options. Alas, we await the day when all China's foreign children shall say with one voice the words of that old Negro spiritual: "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, Blogspot is free at last." Perhaps I shall return.

Enter the Dragon

2007-08-01T02:30:00.000-07:00

After buying some DVDs last night, I stopped at a bar to get my Corona fix (man I love that stuff), and a couple dudes came up to me and said they liked the tattoos on my arms. We got to talking about where I got them, how much they cost, etc. They were shocked to learn that one small lizard on my left arm cost as much as the whole mural on my right forearm. Anyway, one guy said that Chinese men like to get dragons on their upper arms and shoulders. I got to thinking about it, and I realized that almost every tattoo on a man that I have seen in China has been of a dragon. They are usually very well drawn and are probably costly, but come on, there's no national law that says if you are a guy and you want a tattoo, you must get a dragon. I am sure that the tattoo diversity of big cities would be more varied, but I've checked out the websites of prominent Beijing and Shanghai tattoo studios and a large portion of their work is dragon-oriented.

Now I know that in China, as opposed to the West, death isn't "cool," hence skulls and flames and demons won't be very common. But I think that many Chinese people who get a tattoo do it just to have one, not for personal expression or memorials. There is a certain bad boy image associated with tattoos here (as well as in the West) and I suspect that this why many men get inked, but it would be so much cooler to expand beyond Chinese culture and sport Polynesian tattoos, tribal designs, biomechanical, and fantasy tattoos. The artists have the capabilities; the customers just don't have uniqueness and individuality on their minds when they select a design. This philosophy applies to many aspects of Chinese lifestyle and culture, and it's not all bad as some people think, but that's another discussion.

Now the ladies on the other hand have a nice tattoo canon. I've seen delicate ankle designs, floral designs for the shoulders and hands, and the ubiquitous lower back tattoo, often incorporating a rose or butterfly. I've never found a woman with heavy ink very attractive but a couple pieces can be very hot, and I think most Chinese women that get ink do so tastefully in a way that makes them edgy yet still feminine. Megan wants something small and cute so when that comes about I'll put up pictures.

It's interesting to note that in Japan, a dragon tattoo is often a symbol of association with organized crime. The world sure makes a lot of hoopla about drawing permanent pictures on people's skin.

And the weary shall toil no more

2007-07-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

爽.

This expression is usually reserved for the feeling one gets after downing a glass of ice cold beer on a hot lazy afternoon, but today I utter a refreshed "Aaaahhh..." because summer camp is over. Now Trick luh da keez (ten points if anyone remembers that song)- they hang on me like little monkeys, their faces light up when I enter the room, they squeal with fearful excitement as I chase them around the courtyard. But damn son, the powers that be need to get their act together. Frequent lack of planning, abrupt schedule changes, tedious work requirements that helped nobody. Now I've been in China for two years teaching in a college and I did a camp last summer. I know how it goes sometimes- "hey, have this ready by tomorrow," "so what's the activity for this afternoon?" etc. But this was a whole new level. I'm a very chill-out, easygoing dude, but there were times when I just wanted to grab the reins and say "all right, this is how we're gonna do this." I had to put my foot down a few times, respectfully of course. I always say there are four kinds of people whose opinion about you matters: your lover, your family, your friends, and the people who pay you money. No matter how frustrated I may feel, it's all about the benjamins, and it doesn't do any good to get the boss riled at you, at least until the contract is over.

All in all, it was fun because of the kids, and because my girlfriend Mei Qun was a teaching assistant in the camp as well. Tonight was the closing night and everyone was doing performances and whatnot. I found a country line dance online so I had a few kids do it with me on stage. I don't even like country music but what the hell. It's over now, and I can breathe again.

Well kinda. I won't be returning to Pingxiang College next term (sniff) and I'll be heading to another college about two hours away, so this week I gotta get everything packed and moved over there and get my documents in order. I'll miss Pingxiang but I'll be back often to see Mei Qun and visit the college. Another exciting adventure begins, gittin' crunk in tha durty durty. Or something to that effect.

P.S. As of print time, Bonds was at 754 homers. Bummer that the Hammer has to bow to a doping egotist. There is none who is righteous, no not one.

Fresh Ink

2007-07-23T10:14:00.001-07:00

I'm gonna beat yo ass with this dried dou fu :-).

I recently had some new work done on my forearm and it's now healed enough to look presentable, so here it is.

Sorry the picture quality isn't that great- the batteries in the camera were too low to charge the flash and I didn't have any fresh ones, but I think you can still see the picture okay. Just in case you can't tell, that's a peace dove above the rose, and two olive branches flanking the rose blossom. The rose stem has some kind of wing-like design emanating from it but it's just for show. Presently this is still a rough sketch, though maybe you can't tell by the quality of the picture. Pretty much everything has to be re-done cuz the black is kinda splotchy in parts, especially the elbow flames, and the lines aren't too sharp in several places. I like having a work in progress cuz it gives me something to think about and plan for.

Since this is primarily a tattoo blog, let me give you some facts about my experiences in Chinese tattoo parlors.

I have been to three parlors in Pingxiang, tattooed by a total of six individuals, and so far the best was a middle-aged woman with a cool fairy on her ankle. The parlors are very sketchy-looking, kinda holes in the walls of local shopping malls, but the equipment is always clean. Before coming to China, I had three tattoos done in America. Total time: 2 1/2 hours. Cost: $240 (about 1850 RMB). Subsequently I have had umpteen tattoos done here in China. Total time: approx. 45 hours. Cost: approx. 4800 RMB. I know the quality of my ink is certainly less than if I had gone to a more expensive parlor in a large city, but my personal theme of my ink is simplistic, kinda tribal (as in primitive groups of people, not the tattoo style) so I think intricate detail capabilities would be an unnecessary expense.

I'm a very thin dude so I don't have a lot of meat to cushion the tattoo needle, especially on my shoulder bones. When I was getting two particularly large tribal pieces on my shoulders, the pain on my shoulder bones was nauseating to the point of delirium. The tattoo artist saw my grimaces and offered put some medicine on my shoulders. Now don't hate- I know the pain is part of the experience and usually I can take it like a champ but this time got the best of me. I agreed to the medicine, thinking it would some soothing aloe or whatever. It was actually some kind of numbing cream, and the skin on my shoulders was completely deadened as soon as she put the stuff on. She could have hacked of my arm with a machete and I wouldn't have felt it. Of course the pain returned with a vengeance after a couple of hours and the weeks of healing later, but at that moment, it was kinda like a massage. Being given by an annoying mosquito.

I've lived in Pingxiang a total of 23 months. I have gotten tattooed in all but four of those months. I have only one more new design currently planned. The rest of my visits to the tattoo shop in the near future will be for cleanup, redos, and minor additions.

A couple quick thoughts

2007-07-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

Hey urbody- just a quick bit of socio-cultural analysis. I've been in China for two years, seen a lot, done a lot, and it's mostly all good. But there's one thing that consistently bothers me, and the problem isn't with China; it's with foreigners. Specifically, the Takers. I get this term from a cool movie with Anthony Hopkins called Instinct, and in it he refers to people who pillage and plunder without regard to the society or environment. The pillaging and plundering I'm talking about is mainly emotional and psychological.

Now many foreigners come to China for many good and noble reasons- teaching, business, brave new experiences, cultural studies, etc. But many people, and usually it's guys, just want to bang the local girls, get jobs at schools just to have spending money even though they have no interest in teaching, and use their local superstar status to have people treat them to meals and drinks. Now I know this sounds self-righteous and condescending, and let me tell you, it feels good to be a superstar and I get treated to meals and drinks often and given other free stuff just for posing for advertising pictures and stuff like that. But I don't abuse peoples' enthusiasm for my company. As a young foreign dude, girls want to be with me. I've got one Chinese girlfriend and she's all I need- just because I could have this or that girl in the club doesn't mean I'm not a man if I don't take the bait. And teachers sleeping with students in their classes that are like ten years younger than them? Man, for real. I'm know there's a lot of emotional damage and broken hearts from teacher/players who use their students' genuine affections just to get them in bed. I truly enjoy teaching and I try to do my best at it. Sure, I feel that I'm getting paid far more than I'm worth, but the students and the bosses are happy so I won't argue :-). My point is this: I am given so much in this country, and it's responsible, polite- hell, just the right thing to do, to reciprocate what I can. I am embarrassed by so many foreigners that come here for the quick buck, the easy bang, and the free drinks.

I'm sure many people will think I'm on a high horse looking down on people who don't dig China as much as me, but that's not the case. I'm just a dude trying to live a good life and be a good person- it's not that difficult. You don't have to be a dog to have fun- find yourself a good girl and stick with her and you'll reap the rewards. Put effort into your classes, and when the term is up, you'll get a request for contract renewal instead of a phone call asking how soon you'll be out of your apartment. If you're in a small town like me and you're a very conspicuous person, be fun and cool and entertaining every once in a while, but make them respect you as a person, not as a puppet that performs when they yank the strings. I think foreigners as a group have a long way to go to get China's genuine respect and it starts by people coming here for the right reasons and doing the right things. And if you come to China just to play, remember that what may mean nothing to you could mean very much to others. In the end it's better for everyone. It's all here- the party, the money, the sex, the shopping, the mysterious exotic culture. Just keep it real and don't piss out the candles on someone else's birthday cake.

P.S. See Sicko, Michael Moore's new film. I'm not always down with Moore's ideas but man he nailed this one.