Tuesday, August 4, 2009

In Defense of The Old Foreign Dudes with the Hot Young Asian Girls - Cut 'Em Some Slack...

Disclaimer: just for the record, I am not an old white guy with a hot young Chinese girl on my arm.  I am, however, a young white guy with a hot young Chinese wife on my arm, but I am certainly not rich and we are making our home in China, so she is not a golddigger or after my passport.  She loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is.  And in fact, she's one a half years older than I am (though she still has the body of a teenager- cha-ching).  I just want to take a moment to offer my perspective on a tired but never-ending topic.  I hope I don't offend or come across as culturally insensitive.  If you really have an issue with what I say, please leave me a comment and I'd be happy to clarify and/or correct my opinion.

Go to any Asian metropolis and you'll see them: middle-aged or decidedly old foreign guys, usually white, not particularly attractive, and actually often the opposite, looking very proud of himself as he walks arm in arm with a beautiful perky twenty-something Asian girl wearing the latest fashions and looking proud of herself as well.  These couples receive a fair share of condescending glances from foreigners and locals alike, and can usually be translated as follows:

Younger Foreign Guys: she's too hot for him, she should be with someone closer to her own age, like me.
Older Foreign Guys: Damn, I'm gonna have to get me one of those or Damn, she's prettier than mine.  Lucky bastard.
Younger Foreign Women: Ew, gross.
Older Foreign Women: Enjoy your sugar daddy while you've got him sweetie, cause as soon as you get your first wrinkle, he'll move on and leave you high and dry.
Local Men: 1. If she's pretty but not drop-dead gorgeous: She's not beautiful, why do the foreigners always choose the ugly girls? 2. If she is drop-dead gorgeous: She's just a KTV girl.
Local Women: This girl has no shame.

It's easy to hate on the old white guy/young Asian girl couple.  He's a pedophilic refugee from his home country who came to China for the easy buck and easy bang, and he seduces a naive kitten with promises of travel and luxurious hotels and restaurants just to get her into bed to satisfy his cravings for young flesh.  She's either an empty-headed girl with ridiculous fantasies about getting swept off her feet by Prince Charming and she throws herself into the arms and bed of anyone who can sweet-talk her into believing that the exotic notions she's concocted about the West are actually true or she's a desperate shameless girl who will do anyting for the promise of designer bags and a chance to live abroad.  While these notions are sometimes (maybe often) true, I think these couples get an unfair beating in society's gossip circles.

In browsing expat discussions forums, this topic frequently rears its flame-throwing head and the responses are usually very similar.  The older dudes get bashed for being losers who were unable to find true love back home so they come to Asia to plow more fertile and willing soil.  But I think that's an unfair accusation.  Okay, say Joe Schmoe has been unlucky in love back home.  He comes to Asia and finds that girls half his age are willing to be his romantic partner in exchange for security and the promise of a better life, which he is easily able to provide.  Why shouldn't he accept?  She is able to give him what he is looking for: affection, companionship, energetic sex, a helper in and out of the house.  Is he wrong for wanting these things?  These are instinctive male desires, so why should he abstain just to maintain a more moral (i.e., does not alienate his Western counterparts) social position?  If someone moves to Farmland USA and builds a beautiful mansion because the land is cheaper, do we scorn him for not striving for the unaffordable penthouse in Manhattan?  Maybe some guys can't get a quality girl back home, but I think every man who is willing to wholeheartedly love someone deserves a woman who loves him back, regardless of nationality or ethnicity.  And if it's easier for him to find such a girl in Asia, then so be it.

But now many people will counter: they don't really love each other.  He just wants a girl to make him feel young again, she wants someone to take care of her.  Okay, maybe that's not love.  But not everyone has the same needs in life.  Of course everyone is looking for their soulmate, but he or she doesn't have to come from the same culture in order for their souls to connect in an emotional and spiritual plane.  I can testify that there is a different bond between two intercultual lovers but it can still be just as strong as one between people from the same culture.  And generally, Chinese girls have the mindset that they love someone who is faithful, honest, and a good provider for them.  This is why they are so attached to their parents.  Is this love?  Of course.  Maybe not in the traditional Western perspective but there is still a powerful attraction that can go much deeper than just satisfaction of basic biological and psychological needs.  Some couples don't bother with the deeper layers, because they get what they want from the other person and that's that.  But there are many couples who truly have a love connection, one that perhaps people who aren't in intercultural relationships can't quite understand, but I assure you it's genuine.

So that's my long-winded two cents.  Yeah I still get a creepy vibe when I see Little Miss Doe Eyes hand in hand with Mr. Magoo, but it's not our place to be hostile or crass.  Could she do better?  Of course.  Is he just a horny bastard with lots of money?  Perhaps.    But he's not a child molester and she's not a sex crime victim.  They both know what they're doing, and they both have their reasons.  I just know one thing: nobody likes being alone.


尼克 said...

HaoHao'd at http://www.haohaoreport.com/Warnings/In-Defense-of-The-Old-Foreign-Dudes-with-the-Hot-Young-Asian-Girls-Cut-Em-Some-Slack!

Liuzhou Laowai said...

Well said!

Anonymous said...

When is Sex in Liuzhou, a sequal to Sex in Shanghai, coming out?

Froh Baum said...

You've got some good points. Especially where Chinese girls want somebody that can provide well for them so if it's an old foreign guy who's lonely then maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.

MKL said...

I think you wrote a brilliant post and I decided to link to it on my blog, you can check it here. I couldn't agree more with you. I did try to write about this topic myself, too, but I also decided to collect other good posts - like yours :)

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David said...

I'm an older guy (60's) with a younger (40's) chinese/mongoli wife. Neither of us are particularly monied. So why did I choose the wife I did?? Not lust nor lonliness, neither desparation nor datelessness. It came down to the fact that she was prepared to trust me with her life, and brought with a culture that valued family, honour, loyalty and faithfullness. And the gifts that she brought I have been happy to return to her. I bow in respect to the ways of the Middle Kingdom :-)

Rconn777 said...

You are correct, some older guys find themselves alone, either widowed, or divorced. I, myself, am one such person. It is really a nice thought to start again with someone that has little to no baggage. I would love to find an Asian girl, in her mid 30s to 40 something that would be willing to chance a new opportunity and relationship. I have a lot of life still ahead and being alone doesn't make it easier. We all want to share our dreams. It's so much more fun when you share it with someone you love.