Temptations

There's a very visible and popular figure with a gorgeous and exotic wife. However, because of his popularity, he is continually surrounded by and getting attention from beautiful women, and eventually he succumbs to the temptation, indulging his appetite for cheap thrills at relatively low-class establishments such as clubs and bars.

Sounds like Tiger Woods. But it could also be the hotshot foreign manager at the Shanghai office. Or the energetic foreign teacher at the university. Or the highly-regarded consultant who is brought to China several times a year for his expert opinions.

The fact is, if you're tired of eating at home and want to try a different dish, China is certainly an easy place to do it. You don't have to be a rich superstar- with the exception of first-tier cities where foreigners are old news, just being from a different country is enough to make many girls' eyes sparkle. Throw in the fact that Chinese girls are so gosh-darn beautiful and alluring, and you've got a recipe for easy creepin'.

Inside of every man is a dog, a dog with three things on his mind (and pardon the French that follows for the sake of alliteration): fighting, fucking, and feeding. These are primal masculine urges and they're very strong. But we're not dogs, we're men. The dog is a part of us, but there's something more inside that should overwhelm the dog. That's the gentleman, the lover, the father, the one who cares about others' feelings and realizes that short-term selfish satisfaction is callous and unrewarding.

I see so many wonderful girls in China who are treated so carelessly by their husbands/boyfriends. Now I know there are plenty of skanks and bitches in China, but I am continually amazed by Chinese woman's patience and devotion to their men, even if there is little reciprocation. A good woman should be treasured, and that means saying no to all the cheesecake walking around, even if that cheesecake practically throws itself at you. When I discuss relationships with my students, invariably the girls say that the trait they value most in a partner is honesty. A good woman shouldn't be dogged; her devotion should be returned. My wife is a masterpiece and everything that I want in a woman, and even though sometimes the dog inside snarls and barks, I'm not letting him off the leash.

In Defense of The Old Foreign Dudes with the Hot Young Asian Girls - Cut 'Em Some Slack...

Disclaimer: just for the record, I am not an old white guy with a hot young Chinese girl on my arm.  I am, however, a young white guy with a hot young Chinese wife on my arm, but I am certainly not rich and we are making our home in China, so she is not a golddigger or after my passport.  She loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is.  And in fact, she's one a half years older than I am (though she still has the body of a teenager- cha-ching).  I just want to take a moment to offer my perspective on a tired but never-ending topic.  I hope I don't offend or come across as culturally insensitive.  If you really have an issue with what I say, please leave me a comment and I'd be happy to clarify and/or correct my opinion.

Go to any Asian metropolis and you'll see them: middle-aged or decidedly old foreign guys, usually white, not particularly attractive, and actually often the opposite, looking very proud of himself as he walks arm in arm with a beautiful perky twenty-something Asian girl wearing the latest fashions and looking proud of herself as well.  These couples receive a fair share of condescending glances from foreigners and locals alike, and can usually be translated as follows:

Younger Foreign Guys: she's too hot for him, she should be with someone closer to her own age, like me.
Older Foreign Guys: Damn, I'm gonna have to get me one of those or Damn, she's prettier than mine.  Lucky bastard.
Younger Foreign Women: Ew, gross.
Older Foreign Women: Enjoy your sugar daddy while you've got him sweetie, cause as soon as you get your first wrinkle, he'll move on and leave you high and dry.
Local Men: 1. If she's pretty but not drop-dead gorgeous: She's not beautiful, why do the foreigners always choose the ugly girls? 2. If she is drop-dead gorgeous: She's just a KTV girl.
Local Women: This girl has no shame.

It's easy to hate on the old white guy/young Asian girl couple.  He's a pedophilic refugee from his home country who came to China for the easy buck and easy bang, and he seduces a naive kitten with promises of travel and luxurious hotels and restaurants just to get her into bed to satisfy his cravings for young flesh.  She's either an empty-headed girl with ridiculous fantasies about getting swept off her feet by Prince Charming and she throws herself into the arms and bed of anyone who can sweet-talk her into believing that the exotic notions she's concocted about the West are actually true or she's a desperate shameless girl who will do anyting for the promise of designer bags and a chance to live abroad.  While these notions are sometimes (maybe often) true, I think these couples get an unfair beating in society's gossip circles.

In browsing expat discussions forums, this topic frequently rears its flame-throwing head and the responses are usually very similar.  The older dudes get bashed for being losers who were unable to find true love back home so they come to Asia to plow more fertile and willing soil.  But I think that's an unfair accusation.  Okay, say Joe Schmoe has been unlucky in love back home.  He comes to Asia and finds that girls half his age are willing to be his romantic partner in exchange for security and the promise of a better life, which he is easily able to provide.  Why shouldn't he accept?  She is able to give him what he is looking for: affection, companionship, energetic sex, a helper in and out of the house.  Is he wrong for wanting these things?  These are instinctive male desires, so why should he abstain just to maintain a more moral (i.e., does not alienate his Western counterparts) social position?  If someone moves to Farmland USA and builds a beautiful mansion because the land is cheaper, do we scorn him for not striving for the unaffordable penthouse in Manhattan?  Maybe some guys can't get a quality girl back home, but I think every man who is willing to wholeheartedly love someone deserves a woman who loves him back, regardless of nationality or ethnicity.  And if it's easier for him to find such a girl in Asia, then so be it.

But now many people will counter: they don't really love each other.  He just wants a girl to make him feel young again, she wants someone to take care of her.  Okay, maybe that's not love.  But not everyone has the same needs in life.  Of course everyone is looking for their soulmate, but he or she doesn't have to come from the same culture in order for their souls to connect in an emotional and spiritual plane.  I can testify that there is a different bond between two intercultual lovers but it can still be just as strong as one between people from the same culture.  And generally, Chinese girls have the mindset that they love someone who is faithful, honest, and a good provider for them.  This is why they are so attached to their parents.  Is this love?  Of course.  Maybe not in the traditional Western perspective but there is still a powerful attraction that can go much deeper than just satisfaction of basic biological and psychological needs.  Some couples don't bother with the deeper layers, because they get what they want from the other person and that's that.  But there are many couples who truly have a love connection, one that perhaps people who aren't in intercultural relationships can't quite understand, but I assure you it's genuine.

So that's my long-winded two cents.  Yeah I still get a creepy vibe when I see Little Miss Doe Eyes hand in hand with Mr. Magoo, but it's not our place to be hostile or crass.  Could she do better?  Of course.  Is he just a horny bastard with lots of money?  Perhaps.    But he's not a child molester and she's not a sex crime victim.  They both know what they're doing, and they both have their reasons.  I just know one thing: nobody likes being alone.

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The couple that inks together....

I have a tattoo of a scorpion on my upper right forearm. It's symbolic of a gift my father gave me when I was young, but it's also my zodiac sign (Scorpio). Tina's big into astrology and star signs (she's a Leo) and she'd always like my scorpion design.

As our relationship was growing, I guess my love of ink rubbed off on her a bit, and she informed me that she wanted a tattoo. Of course I was very supportive, but I was hesitant when she told me that she wanted an exact copy of my scorpion design. Our relationship was serious at that point (we were living together) but I wasn't sure where we were ultimately heading, and I was mindful of the countless warnings you hear from people who get their lover's name or other memento tattooed on them and then they break up and are stuck with an indelible reminder of their failed relationship.

But I didn't want to express my uncertainty to Tina because I feared she would interpret it as doubt on my part. I did tell her that I felt a little nervous about her choice and she told me that she was aware of the permanence and was cool with it. So I gave her my blessing and held her hand as she squirmed and winced as my constellation was gouged into her skin. I was proud of her for going through with it, but I was still haunted by the jinx that I heard so many stories about. She loved it and felt that we were more connected now, and I did too, but my cautious nature would often nudge me (really, I am a careful person, I just make decisions quickly).

Time passed.... The tattoo healed, life went on, and our love deepened. And now we're married. So if any of you lovebirds out there feel jittery about getting your partner's name inked on you or you're nervous about ink you've already gotten, don't be. There's no jinx; things may or may not work out in live but a permanent reminder isn't a curse, and may even make somethings more real. Don't worry, ink happy :-).


This is the design on my arm. Sorry, I don't have a photo of Tina's version; you'll have to wait till bikini season :-P

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